Davemania

The Battle Against The Establishment - Moving

2005-04-05T13:59:00.000-04:00

.., is over. Well... Actually I guess, like man.., we proved our point. The whole point of the protest. Sure , like I doubt we conservatives have won the cause, man.., but voices were heard, opinions made known. And that's like the core of the whole struggle, dude. So I'm packing up my bandannas, black light posters, 8-tracks and worn out jeans, load em into my duffel bag and hitchhiking back to Blog Drive.

Blogger has been a real pain, man. I mean, like.., there's just like too much crap to contend with man. And when I say crap, I mean that in a Conservative-American kind of way. Not that that Blogger is unAmerican. It's as American as Humble Pie.., but diggit.., the blogger editor sucks bricks and I have a dickens of a time adding pictures that don't, like, drop the sidebar off the edge of oblivion for which I have to go in and redo some extra code and or like.., remove said groovy picture. Not righteous at all, brothers and sisters.

I've been thinking of heading back for the last month. When I read KTOAB's threat to do the same.., I felt like.., "YES! The cosmic forces of conservatism have spoken!"

But then I wonder.., is Blog Drive like this black hole that sucks everyone and everything right back? Kinda like an inverse Wizard of Oz movie - whereby instead of the tornado carrying everything away - it brings us back!? Or maybe like a super-atomic yoyo. Diggit?

NEW RESIDENCE SET UP AT... http://daveman.blogdrive.com/

I will only miss the SPELL CHECKER that fixes lots of my writtening mistakees. Catch you at the new Addy. Unfortunaltly Blog Drive's set up wont allow me to use my old addy of Davemania.Blogdrive.., is now its Daveman.Blogdrive.

Guess where I went today!

2005-04-04T18:29:00.000-04:00

PATIENT: "Doctor, doctor.., what's wrong with me?"
DOCTOR: "You're ugly."
PATIENT: "WHAT!? I demand a second opinion!"
DOCTOR: "Okay, " - he excuses himself for a second and returns - "The nurse thinks you're pretty..,"
PATIENT: "Oh wow! Really?"
DOCTOR: " Yeah - pretty ugly."

Anyway - I went to see the doctor today to find out the results of the EDG - or whatever they call it. The whole idea was to see what was wrong with my throat - not my gut. They ran the garden hose down into my stomach and took a biopsy as you may recall on an earlier post.

The biopsy revield I have a viral infection in my guts. Don't ask the name of this infection, because I don't not remember that many syllabables. So now I gotta take some medicine for about 14 days or else this viral infection could lead to ulcers. I tried to find out about the throat problem and the sucker talked over me, led me to the receptionist and ordered an appointment in 30 days - then left.

I was really insulted and majorly MAD at his avoidance of my question. I'm so angry after having to wait two weeks to get the results only to get answers to everything but what I came for.., I could have spit lead acid! I bit my tongue and didn't say a word and left the building. I was so angry had I of opened my mouth, I'd of said some things very un-Christian like things.

Looks like I will have to seek out an Ears, Nose and Throat specialist or something. My throat still feels like its closing in and now.., have a hard time swallowing certain foods. In that regard its gotten worse. I really need to find a better doctor. I guess I've hung with this one so long because there's rarely any long wait in getting seen. Oh well. Enough of my griping. Did I mention I hate doctors? No? Well... I hate doctors! There - I said it

The Vanishing

2005-04-03T18:32:00.000-04:00

My daughter's mother (not cujo, but, ex #1.., "ditsy") has gone missing. Ditsy has never seen the grandson at all. Long story but the woman by all appearances ran off with a guy that's really strange and no one has heard from her since. No one knows if she's alive, sick or worse. Leaving no contact info is always a bad idea I don't care who you are.

Now Ditsy was fully aware that our daughter was having a baby. However the woman has never, ever had a reality cheque, and matters were made worse when she moved in with a drug dealer/user after our divorce. Drug use and abuse screwed her mind up royally. After she managed to rid of him she married a Wife Swapper swinger guy also involved with drugs. After that didn't pan out she went and married another odd ball drug user. Eventually she ended up in a group home.

I find that amazing in that when she and I were married, drugs were absolutely out of the question. Yet she turned to these guys, sequentially. Anyway - so now she's missing. Normally I could care less, but I hate to see my daughter troubled like this. Her trouble becomes my trouble and well... yeah in that sense I am concerned. The woman should at least have the opportunity to see her grandson, once.

Because of the situation - there can be no missing persons report filed. Before that can be done, there has to be a reason to "legally" believe Ditsy's life was in danger AND forced away to oblivion. There lies the caveat! We can't prove squat, other than she's ditsy and may have forgot to contact anyone about her whereabouts. End of story, sad as that may be.

Easy, Daveman Cool Pie

2005-04-02T08:49:00.000-05:00

A few years back I went by, "Daveman Cool". Cool and budness was my theme. Crazy huh? Crazy Cool, yeah. But anyway - I even had a pie. Its an easy pie. I made it up all by myself - but I'm no absolute fool. It's so easy I highly doubt it's original by any means. Non the less - I used my own imagination, no known recipe, to make it. Want it?

SUPPLIES
* JELLO - preferably "Boo Berry" flavor if they got it. If not then anything will do, especially Pineapple and banana.
* 9 inch GRAHAM PIE CRUST Shell
* COOL WHIP - what else would you use in a Daveman Cool pie? Nothing else.

I'm no technical wizard here so you'll have to wing it just as I do.
INSTRUCTIONS:
* Fix up your Jello as directed BUT - reduce the water by half and do not allow to gel. Just let it cool down a little.
* Cool Whip should be just enough to fill the Graham Pie shell. BUT DON'T Add anything to the shell yet. Put this amount into a mixing bowel, and gradually blend (on slow) the entire contents of Jello until its all an even color.
* Pour this into the pie shell, slap it into the refridgerator and let it firm up for an hour or so.

If you've done this before, never mind. If you haven't had this before, you may thank me when you can.
FOR YOU WEIGHT Conscious people - You may substitute the Jello for Jello Lite, and i guess Lite Cool Whip.

Nagged if ya do, Nagged if ya don't

2005-03-31T21:48:00.000-05:00

Now I'm armed and ready to confront Daughter! YES! She and her Hubby were told studies show that if you talk to babies in Baby talk instead of grown up talk, it retards them or makes them talk babyish forever or some such nonsense. They halfway insist I follow that rule, to which I say, "Tell somebody who believes that crap". Most these kinds of studies come from educated idiots.

That's not to say anyone who's educated is an idiot, but there are educated idiots. You've seen them. They always seem to know more about parenting and never had a kid of their own, seem to know more about boats but never so much as swam...

Anyhow.., I raised my daughter on babytalk and she don't lisp, and actually has really a really good vocabulary and pronouncifications and stuff. She quit baby talk when she was 4 or 5 on her own. Anywho - the latest study is in! Baby talk to babies may help a the kid differentiate between words and speed up the language learning process. I stand justified. She trusts in studies - here's the study! HAH!

If I left the impression that daughter and I are at odds - think again. We get along really good actually. But as we all know - our kids don't know squat and pale in our shadows since we parents always know better. It's an unwritten law of the universe - UNLESS - were talking about OUR parents in which case we hit upon an exception to said rule.

And besides - in my defense, the baby started it., so

Terri Shiavo dies

2005-03-31T11:59:00.000-05:00

I'm angry and saddened over the death of Terri Shiavo. Anyway one looks at it, she died based on the word of one man. It's not a matter of interferring in a loving husband's concern for his wife..., the man was shacking with another woman for crying out loud. He wanted her dead so he could remarry and serve himself.

MARRIAGE is for better or worse, for life. People who think contrary have no business marrying at all. The implication here is, "throw away brides" and "throw away grooms" because of a mate's failing health. It's cold and barbaric.

Terri Shiavo became a mentally handicap person. This marks a legalized grounds to execute Mentally impared children and adults. Listen - I dont care who a person is, or a doctor's specualtion. Terri responded to questions just the same as some mentally impared children do. Should we now resolve to "kill" with dignity of starvation those who cant communicate? God help us all.

Now you will see Michael marry his shack job, his main intent to have his wife die. I would not be surprised if Michael was responcible for her condition to begin with. I'll stop now..., speculation can go on forever and still - it will never bring this poor woman back.

WOW! MY BIRTHDAY RULEZ!

2005-03-29T22:41:00.000-05:00

BE PATIENT AS IMAGE LOADS....
Man My birthday was complete as someone from my old Game Designers group brought out an old graphic I did for the guys a few years back. At that time I thought it would be a hoot to do a parody of ourselves in movie form. I created a 3d environment Alley-way with trash-cans and a street light, popped our faces in and wrote a few tings..., well..., look for yourself [below].
I miss those lugs Lots and Lots. We lost contact with each other since about 2000 or 2001, well.., except for my good buddies Brad, Bob and Lon - oh and Paul (not pictured). I've decided I want to tinker around with 3d games again and hook up with some of the old crew. It's been a while since I messed around with game design/layout.
CLICK HERE FOR GRAPHIC

It had to happen sooner or later

2005-03-29T12:36:00.000-05:00

I sit alone and forgotten. No fanfare, no cards or gifts. I go outside and collect my thoughts. The sun is shining, its warm with a slight cool breeze which feels good against my skin. The trees too, seem indifferent, their leaves fluttering while the squirrels bandy about, playing whatever games they play.

A deep sigh shutters through me. And you know what? I wouldn't have my birthday any other way. I groove on my privacy. The only real gripe I have is that I STILL DIDN'T GET MY FREAKING, BIRTHDAY PECAN PIE! All my life I desired this - but alas - once again - this sole thing causes me tearful grief. Well.., maybe not tearful. Maybe not grief. More like, disappointment (?). Well..., not dissapointment exactly. More like I didn't get my pie to eat it too! YEAH!

Gawd Im old!

Mysterious Crap Circles

2005-03-29T07:41:00.000-05:00

Rooters, NY
- Ayi Benutz

Yes, a phenomenon known as Crap Circles has the world stunned. Designs made in fields made entirely of doodoo produce themselves overnight with no witnesses. One group claims it has magic powers, saying members feel nauseated, some faint, when standing in the epicenter of one said Crap Circle. Others think UFO's are responsible and are trying to send a message.

Furor arose as a small band of men said they were Crap Circle makers and accomplish this decorative/artistic stunt with special made Crap Scoopers. Some believers in extraterrestrials, hurled feces at the self acclaimed Crap Circle makers as a riot erupted. No arrests were made, but local stores report a record sales of antibacterial variety of bath soap.

I love the smell of Upchuck in the Evenin'

2005-03-28T20:43:00.000-05:00

Daughter, Son-in-Lawr and the Little Guy came over this afternoon. We had fun, the kid puked on me, I smell to high heaven but it was worth it. Now, baby puke is not that great a smelling substance. It's not. At least the Little Guy made good by trying his best to converse with me. I had to resort to baby-babble to get anything out of him as big talk just wasnt losining his lips non.

The expressions he made while babbling, blurbing and bubble blowing was killing me, I laughed so hard. Here he was, serious as he could be, pouring out his soul and his ol' Grandpa was laughing at him. No wonder he puked on me. I had it coming I expect.

Well - I gotta go now and take a bath. A long bath with Babypuke Nutralizer agents. Soap! Does a body good.

PS - if you were eating while reading this.... hee-hee-hee-heee

The Doctors..., THEY KNOW!

2005-03-27T14:48:00.000-05:00

Well, Gang. The doctors are onto us. Now what're we gunna do? I mean we had this scam all packed to go and we got away with it for a while, now they not only know - they created a name for it! Can you believe that? It was our last bastion to messing wit they heads. [CLICK]

Unless you guys have any new ideas to disrupt and other wise get back at the doctors for the crap they put us through, I'm dry. Mostly I'd like to know just who of you opened your yaps! We had it good for a while and somebody had to go shoot off their mouth.

Here.., try some...

2005-03-25T19:42:00.000-05:00

Ever try to get someone just to "taste" something? Anything from a sandwich to stew or soup or whatever - and the person (guest, relative or friend) refuses even just a teeny dot on the spoon. They swear they hate the food, admit they never had it, yet will kill you dead if you try to coax them into tasting it.

What the heck is up with that? I'm not talking about an instance where the person might have reason to think the food was prepared under questionable circumstances. That would be justified. I'm not even talking about people who are allergic to certain foods. I'm talking about stubborn cold rebellion. WHY!?

Up front - there's no reason it should bother me but it does. What's the harm in a taste? I get to feeling like its a battle of wills or something and I want to say, "Get the crap outta my house you freaking weirdo!" But I don't - I shrug it off and say, "you don't know what you're missing". Yeah I'm polite. What can I say.

BUT THEN - what the heck is up with me? People have a right to refuse food. It's America for crying out loud. So in that light, I'm the weirdo! Yeah baby - one absurd Super Freak. ** dave breaks into a sad rip off Hammer Time dance - with a limp**

A Note to Michael Shiavo and Judges involved

2005-03-25T07:49:00.000-05:00

"If starvation is a dignified death, then the world owes Hitler a great appology." - Daveman
A woman's life hinges on the word of one man alone, a man who has a side squeeze. Something is wrong about that. No friends or family confirm what this man said. Any judge who does not question this, needs to be removed if he doesnt step down.

In a court of law, an individual's word alone without witnesses or proof on his or her side, gets thrown out. Why is this man an exception? Despite a doctor's claim he could help this woman, judges still decide death for this woman, backing, Michael Shiavo.

That's all I got to say about that! Actually there's more but this is enough. Michael is the worst form of murderer. A murderer who has the backing of the United States judicial system.

In Loving Memory of, Putt Putt

2005-03-24T08:23:00.000-05:00

Putt Putt was the name I gave a little Car that could I once owned during a time in my life when I couldn't afford a better car, nor to fix the one I had. My little, Putt Putt, chugged right along, limping at a snails pace. She was put through the paces. When, Putt Putt was running reasonably well, not great but within some realm of reasonable expectation, a deer leaped out of nowhere on my way home from picking up my daughter. The deer died and Putt Putt's hood was dented pretty good.

A few days later I noticed a Bumper Sticker what looked like a giant bandaid with the word, "OUCH!" on it. I couldn't resist. I paid for the thing and promptly dressed, Putt Putt's boo-boo. People, laughingly pointed and some sighed with sympathy as she struggled along the roads, refusing to yield to the deathly coughs and wheezes surging through her pipes.

I pressed her from Arkansas to Texas and back again on an impossible journey at great risk. Putt Putt, would drop to a literal 10 miles an hour on the freeway on inclines and would speed down hill as if a Indie 500 racer. I begged the truckers over the CB radio to not run us down, as Putt Putt and I were peddling as fast as we possibly could. It was a dangerous affair but, again, Putt Putt refused to die.

I could tell more of her brave exploits, but than these will suffice. Eventually, Putt Putt, had to be layed to rest. She couldn't take it anymore. Taking her to the Automobile Grave Yard was the hardest thing for me, but the reality was, Putt Putt, was suffering and it was time to let the ol' gal, go. She made the distance on her own power, about 25 miles from the house struggling between 15 to 25 miles an hour, and as she coasted into the wrecking yard lot, she breathed her last. I tried to revive her but it was a lost cause. She was hanging on till she arrive at her final destination to give up the ghost.

I had a picture of Putt Putt, but alas Cujo threw it away with loads of other things I had. She (putt putt, not cujo) was a sweet but little white rollerskate of a car. Putt Putt was an 82 Dodge Colt [click for a better looking version than mine]

Goodbye, my Putt Putt.

I be sew schmart!

2005-03-23T16:54:00.000-05:00

I guess its confirmed: Im smarter than MIT's Media Lab here in the United States of Uhmeruka. [click ]
It's a waste of MONEY to invent something that will cost probly a hunnurd bucks just to keep people from hitting the snooze button a second time.
I prepose setting your Alarm clock away from the bed. You have to get up once to hit the snooze button and can crawl back to bed. The second time you have to get up, it's just not worth the hassle to hit the snooze and go back to sleep. HAH! I didnt even need a team of scientists fer that wun.

One can only imagine how much MIT spent with this "new" discovery/invention of theirs. C'mon! Dont they have grads that attended "reality 101"?

Hilbilly Scottish Poetry

2005-03-22T08:09:00.000-05:00

Me, Pappy wasnt sappy
Me, Mammy wasnt crappy
Brudder wusnt me Mudder
Me, Sister, nobody'll kisser.
Me Uncle aint me carbuncle
Me Aunt, however, is!

THUH END
----------------------
NEWS...,
My daughter called last night all excited to tell me the Little Guy has finally started to produce TEEFEES! The simple moments in life are treasures. Although, I suppose Little Guy isnt so happy about the teething process. Poor fella was a bawling up a storm. Thank goodness for refridgerated gel teething rings, eh!

Periscope Down

2005-03-21T10:53:00.000-05:00

This morning, once again - just as they did with the Colonoscopy last year - they said I'd be asleep during the EGD and I'd never know they stuck a scope down my throat. Yes, they doped me, No I didn't go to sleep. Did I feel it? YES! Did it feel good? NO.

On the bright side, the doctor says he didn't see any signs of cancer or anything abnormal in my asophogus, but he took a biopsy of my stomach tissue. Hmmmm. I'm beginning to think I need a new doctor. The lump or closing up feeling in my throat is there, whether he saw anything or not. I guess and X-ray (in my opinion) is the next step. I hate doctors. I really do (no offence to Dr. Doug - grinz).

On The Run

2005-03-20T14:24:00.000-05:00

But first - the rest of the story (last post).
On my way back to the casa, I spotted something out of place. I veered out of my way to investigate and to my chagrin lay a busted up electric office adding machine, a ripped up galvanized garbage can, and a busted lamp of some sort made of white rock. These werent laying side by side but scattered. WHAT WERE THESE THINGS DOING HERE!? It wasnt a matter of dumping and these objects were not remnants of a derelict cabin rotted to the ground. But wait! The brain took about five long seconds to reason it out. My nieghbors upon our moving in these parts about 3 years ago told me, a tornado destroyed the school and ripped up some houses in this small town somewhere in the neighborhood of six years prior. That was the answer. Nature litters too it seems. I'm just glad I didnt find any human bones.

MOVING right along.... (subject change) ....

Public Bathrooms. One of the curses in traveling is the ever dreaded filthy bathroom. I'm not talking a few fuzz bunnies on the floor and some graffiti on the walls. I'm talking, so filthy you would not send your dog in to wizziate on the floor. Toilet backed up and teeming with floaters of unknown age or origins. The terrible part is for me, it always happens when you're in a crises and cant hold it in for the next gas station.

What do you do? As they say, "when you gotta go, you gotta go". I wont go into details here but the last time this happened to me, lets just say, somewhere in Arizona, whoever walked in after me hopefully watched his step. Normally I would have asked the attendant for a plunger or something - Or better yet ran to the next station - however, my package was ready to deliver and there was no time for such luxuries.

NEXT SUBJECT..
Once upon a time when I was perhaps around or close to the age of like 17 - or was it 18? Matters not I guess. Anywho, I had injured my knee (yes, that same one) with what the doctors called a bruised knee - not because it was bruised outside but inside. But that really doesnt matter. What does matter is the fact I was on crutches. We lived in the country on a gravel road.

Well, actually we didnt live on a gravel road, but more off of a gravel road. Actually. Anyhow, I was stuck in the house for three days and I got a wild hair to get out and loaf down the road. I grant you that seeing someone hobbling along on cructhes down a dirt road may look make said hobbler look like he's lost a few marbles, but certainly not dangerous. Down the road a ways a truck pulls up with about 3 rednecks in the cab..,

"What're yew doing out here boy! Yew up to no good or what!? I bet yewr the one who stole suff outta our house" the driver accused.

I looked at him, looked at my crutches, looked at him and the other two possum grinnin' dirty freaks. "Like, where'm I gunna hide the goods? I'm just getting some excercise, fellas."

"Where you live, boy?" He and his redneck buddies all had this seriously mean look.

"Down the road" I answered.

"Liar! We knowed ever body in these parts an yew dont live round here! I suggess yew git out ah here. We dont wanna see your ungly [expletive-expletive] face aroun' here no more. Got that ace!?"

Not being in a strong defensive possition I figured humoring these dangerous idiots was the best order of business. "Sure thing" I told them. Fact was, I had lived there for about four years and never seen these dirt clods till that day, nor after. Since then however, after I rid myself of crutches, I took my walks with a long, hardwood walking stick.

Thar Be Treasure In Them Piney Woods!

2005-03-19T14:56:00.000-05:00

Today I braved the piney woods to seek out the legendary, Hangman's Tree, whereby turse citizens hung horse theives. I'm not convinced I found it, but I did scan under one tree that could have possibly served as a justice despensary and found am antique shotgun shell.

I quit after locating the shell because (a) my knee was killing me from roaming over the hills and rocks and vines and natural woods debris and (b) because my main digging tool broke! I was just a wee bit upset. It was to save me from having to getting on my knees to do easy to moderate digging so once it was useless, I was too, therefore I loaded up my toys and gimped home.

Two years ago about a half mile from today's find I dug up an antique shotgun shell, potentially older than the one I found today. It sux not having an exact date for these. But I got the basic manufacturers production dates and that will do. While I have not really checked, I doubt there is any real monetary value to them - just good ol' fashioned historic curiosity. Who can put a price on that? No one. Here's the info...,

*REMINGTON: [REM-UMC No.12 Shurshot]
Today's shotgun shell find is between 70 to 93 years old. Manufactured from 1911 to 1934
* PETERS:
Shotgun shell found two years ago is between 117 to 70 years old. Manufactured from 1887 to 1934

* Remington and Peters were baught out by Dupont in 1934 to create the current day, Remington Arms.

I have a pic of the PETERS, shotgun headstamp somewhere, but will have to scan the Remington shell in order to post it. I dont see the point really. Not too many folks is interested in seeing shotgun head stamps. :o)
Despite my having to call it quits, I consider the effort was justified. As I say, Treasure is whatever's beautiful or interesting to the beholder - and is not always wrapped up in monetary value.

Dang it Jim! I'm a Doctor not a gall dern physician

2005-03-18T23:38:00.000-05:00

PATIENT: "Doctor, doctor! It hurts when I smile!"
DOCTOR: ** hits patient in square in the face ** "Pay the nurse on the way out."

The witch doctor did his rattle dance and Dr. Suess chants to chase away the evil spirits and tells me he doesn't think my weird tongue spots and blotches on the roof of me mouth is anything to worry about - though he admits he don't know what it is. This inspires my confidence. Not. Anyway this guy still insists I go in for the scope in the throat (an EDG) to focus on the throat problemo. Whatever.

Daughter and Son-in-Lawr dropped in this morning and I had a fun visit with the Little Guy. He's got into his joyous screaming mode now as he twists and bobbles and ooos and coos and burbles out his own creative words. He had a ball, and I had a ball. Somehow I wouldn't be surprised if he skips crawling and takes off walking. Uhm. Well..., I heard of that happening before, though I personally have never seen it.

Crap! Health Issues - again

2005-03-18T10:39:00.000-05:00

Well - I have an appointment to see the doctor about my throat today anyway - but this morning for whatever reason I caught a gander at my tongue and was shocked. I have a red spot from midway to the back and the roof of my mouth toward the back around the "punching bag" (or whatever its called) is all blotched - looks pretty disgusting actually.

There's no pain involved here at all. Had I not looked I wouldn't have been the wiser and I get a feeling that my throat problems are somehow interrelated to this new discovery. Jeesh. Anyway I tried looking up on the internet these symptoms and found much to my dismay that there's tons of possumbilities there. Yet non of the info I came across really even tries to get into the details I need.

I could have anything from tongue cancer to kawaski's disease. I guess the best order of business is to let the doctor do the diagnoses. It may not be anything too severe at all.

Anyway - that's all I got to post for now. Just had to share my latest dark cloud episode. :o)

Happy Patty Dukes Day

2005-03-17T16:11:00.000-05:00

What can I say? I'm not a fan of Saint Patrick's Day. Why? For many years despite my wearing green, the kids at school would pinch me anyway and site that the color green I was wearing was not technically green. I mean, where is the freaking rule book - and why wasn't I told about it!

And even after becoming an adult, kids would still come up and pinch me. That's sad. When I was a kid, at least I could bite some legs or something, but for some reason it's illegal for adults to bite kids. It's not like I'd actually eat the little snots. Besides, I'm too busy eating crow on a daily basis so who has room for spoiled rotten kid.

My knee was killing me today and I mean I wanted to cry for me mum, but it hurt too much. So I took a pain pill. Jeesh! It took one full hour and five minutes to take effect!!!! I mean, ya know. That sucks. My knee coulda stopped hurting on its own by that time, ya know. Anyway - now that it's kicked in - I'm floatin'. WHOA! I think I just saw a dead people or something!

Nah - it was just a demon sucking on animal eyeballs. Never mind. Hoo - man. I really am high. I don't like being high. I really don't despite all the 60s and 70s references. As a matter of fact i quit getting high for fun at the age of 21. I even quit drinking at age 21 because it wasn't fun getting it legally anymore. Is that sad or what!?

So how are woo dwoi... howoo aroo yoo oo hw - drugs man - woo hoo! Uhm. Soooo wooo whu Uhm. Gotta goo noo w. This stoofo isew ewt sdartin satartim to reilleee kqwuck kickkkkkkkin

Documentary - (of sorts) Lactosia

2005-03-16T08:23:00.000-05:00

SCENE 1 - [Location Hawg Town, Arkansas - Daveman stands before an angry mob of people]

DAVEMAN:
"Lactose intolerance!? STOP THE MADNESS! People, cant we all just get along? The Lactose deserve better, really. This isn't the 1880's after all. Sure the denizens from the isle of Lactosia are a little strange, but when has buttering your toast on the bottom side been an evil thing or a crime, even? And surely the crime of eating Milk Sandwiches can be forgiven or at least overlooked."

SCENE 2 - [Location: Lactosia Island - camera tight on Daveman's face - standing behind a stand of ferns and various flora]

DAVEMAN
(whispering softly in faux Australian accent)
"Crockies! We're ere to watch the mysterious Loctose, churn buttah the ancient tribal way. But we av to be bloody quiet. If these mates catch us - they will bite our eds off. Trust me, that can kill ya, mate."

SCENE 3 - [Camera peers through the flora, focusing in on village of crude tweed and hemp huts - two men are pushing a cow back and forth]
DAVEMAN - Voice over
"Crockpot! Looky ere! We ar the furst peepul ta see this ancient technology of buttah churnin' by the Lactose. Amazin', aint it mates? See - that one fella pushes the drunk cow toward his mate and he in turn pushes the cow back. This process chuhns up the milk inside the cow an buttah is produced inside the cow.
"As you see they stopped pushing the bloody cow. Now the one fella is walking toward the tail en while his mate strokes the cows nose."

[Man at rear of cow places bucket below cow and starts pumping the animal's tail - butter comes out in clumps]

SCENE 2 - [Close up on Daveman's surprised face]
"Crockos! Dee you see that!? No one as seen this ancient secret method of Lactose buttah makin' an lived! Isn't that wunnaful? An that cow was beautiful. I think we should steal et an take it ome cause we just don't have cows like at at ome. UH OH! I think they made us out, mate! RUNNN - Hurry..."

SCENE 3 - [ Camera is obviously shaking as everyone runs - view is on villagers running towards us ]
DAVEMAN - Voice Over
"Hoostun, I think we av a problem! Now where in the bloody el did we park that boat..."

STATIC - Fills the screen after a brief period of screams

\\\\\\\\\\\\\ - TO BE CONTINUED - //////////////////
-----------------Maybe ---------------------

Love Lost and the Regrets

2005-03-15T10:15:00.000-05:00

She was an Hawaiian sunset, a flower to my soul. When I looked at her, my heart would sing a thousand songs. Her very breath on my face made me feel strong and alive. Even her name was beautiful. She was the first and perhaps only real love in my life. Her name; Benita

She sang like an angel, and smile that could put out a savage fire. I carried a torch for her many years until one day I just gave up. Of course I had her once, but I blew it all away. In fact we had plans to marry, but yet I examined my life, where I had been, scared of the future and decided she deserved better. Walking away without any other explanation that that, ruined what might have been.

Some years later she married a guy with selfish motives, a redneck conman who killed their one and only child. The man battered his 2 month old child to death because it wouldn't stop crying on demand. He spent only six months in prison out of his allotted six year sentencing. It may sound silly - but I to this day feel guilt. If only I had not walked away from her, this would be one grief she would not have known. In a round about way, this was my fault.

About a year after hearing this dreadful news, I tried to get back with her, but the woman was changed. This man had ruined the beauty she had in her soul. Her very perspective regarding God and life were forerver dashed to pieces. She died (in her heart) with the death of her child. Benita, forever lost.

God, I loved her. But its a page in the past. A love lost on a remote island of what was. No relationship I've ever had since, captured that same feeling I had for for her. Last I heard she has grown children and perhaps, hopefully so, a happy life with a fantastic husband. Today - my life is not that great. Perhaps when all is said and done, I did the right thing after all, if she's eventually had a good life. Even so, a still small faint voice inside asks, What if? Perhaps her life and mine would have been so much better. Alas, that's something I will never know.

As they say; It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.

Something To Crowe About?

2005-03-14T10:38:00.000-05:00

Russel Crowe, has vanity issues. He claims terrorists may have plotted to kidnap him in a Cultural Destablization Plot! Excuse me? I don't see American or Austrailian culture falling apart at the seams if he wound up kidnapped. I could see some Americans or Australians being extremely terse about ANY famous person being kidnapped, but falling apart? I dudnt think so. His family and friend and maybe some fans could possibly be devastated, but trust me here - the vast majority of Australians, Americans, Canadians and perhaps Britonians don't hang on his every breath.

What do he think he is? An American or Austrailian national hero or something? The big pampas buffoon. Now if I were kidnapped, the free world as we know it would most likely collapse.

Sci-Fi Fans Mourn Star Trek Enterprise

2005-03-13T19:06:00.000-05:00

It's sad news, at least to this person. The newest Star Trek series "Enterprise" has bit the dust. It seems UPN doesn't feel the program is up to snuff despite millions of Star Trek fans around the globe's near riot fits to the contrary. The big wigs at Paramount Studios are a new breed, a changing of the guard, has left we Enterprise nuts with idiots who aren't really interested in pursuing this series either, according to Scott Backula, (aka Capt. Archer).

When this series was first announced I had my doubts about its success upon hearing that, "Quantum Leap"s, Scott Bakula would head up the lead role as Captain Jonathan Archer in charge of the first starship, Enterprise, which precedes the Captain Kirk era Enterprise. The man surprised me greatly and pulled it off! He did an excellent job.

My only fuss with the show, which is still overshadowed by the excellent performances, story lines and special effects, is the fact it did a lot of changes to the storyline groundwork already established by "Star Trek" - I'm talking the history. At least the writers worked in a cool explanation for why modern Klingons look so different than Kirk's era Klingons. I couldn't have done a better job had I tried.

As I understand it, There will be a final two or three part to "Enterprise" in May ( i think ) and that will be all she wrote. No more Star Trek of any kind, nature or whatever. Unless SPIKE TV or the SciFi Channel can take it over it is dead. Thankfully I recorded on VHS the last season and this season. However, I didn't get the first 2 Seasons, not so much as one episode because where I lived at the time I got lousy reception on Cable Tv. We gots satellite Tv now - which affords a giant leap in picture quality.

Okay - I'll shut up now. Most of you may not even care about Star Trek no matter what form it comes in (you communists) . So until next time I bid you adieu.

Pop Goes Da Weasel

2005-03-13T11:04:00.000-05:00

As you may recall I have a standing schedule to have a scope run down my throat in about 2 weeks. There's been a closing sensation in my throat for a long time now (2-months or so) - that is until yesterday when I yawned a yawn filled with neck muscle attitude - "SNAP!".

Something in the area of my throat near the adams apple snapped - and that sensation of my throat closing up was gone - or for the most part anyway. There's just a slight sensation now, barely noticeable.

Anatomy has never been my strong point and I'm wondering what the heck is going on. So now I have to call the doctors office and see if an Xray would be more productive than a scope down my neck. I mean - I swallow food easily enough. Could it be something involving my windpipe? Hmmmm. Is it possible one of the bones in my windpipe is somewhat fractured? Has there ever been such a thing? Paranoia I guess - but still its concerning. I know a crushed windpipe will kill ya - so obviously that's not what I'm talking about. A fracture.. a crack of some level..., ya know.

That would kind of suck to wake up dead. People talk about that sort of thing ya know. "There's that dead Daveman, again" they'd say and avoid me like the black plague.

Why Talking Too Much Is Not a Good Ting

2005-03-11T10:54:00.000-05:00

Today I have nothing to blog on. Not specifically. But then, when has that really not been the case? Hmmm? So allow me to go with what pops out of my skull as I write. Okay now that we covered that, and in detail I might add. Bye for now.

Just kidding. There's plenty of stuff floating around in my head. All kinds of stuff. Some stuff you don't even want to know about because if I told you..., well...., you know. Tombstone city, baby, on the corner of Boothill Road and OK Coral Avenue.

What sort of things would that be? Oh - things like interdimensional sliding from one multiple-earth to another, or like time fragmentalized leaping, intergalactic mole holes (aka wormholes), windowed televised subliminal reprogramming and things like tha.. whoops! Look what I just did! What can I say but, sorry about that.

Unmarked black vans and choppers should be arriving at your present location, right about...... ..... .... , now. But before they take you away, let me assure you It's been fun knowing you. Tah-tah.

Once Again, The Cloud Looms Close

2005-03-10T15:27:00.000-05:00

PATIENT: "Doctor, doctor! It hurts when I pee!"
DOCTOR: "Looks like,Urine, a heap a trouble boy."

Remember why I said I hate going to see the doctor? Hmmm? My numbero uno complainto was the fact every visit seems to result in him finding some excuse to shove another instrument inside my body through any opening natural or otherwise.

This time I must go in a week or so to get a scope shoved down my throat to look at why my throat feels like it's closing up. I'm running out of openings. What next? An octopus device covering it all at one time? Oh well. It's for keeping tabs on my health so grin and bare it. It's not like it's never been done, or a serious procedure. Anyway - there is some concern because of my acid reflux thingy and that stuff can screw a person over big time sometimes leaving thickening scars to cancerous growths. Since I have no real pain (yet?) I think or at least hope I can rule out cancer.

Maybe I shoulda tried the "DOCTOR! DOCTOR! It hurts when i do this" routine, eh? He's not really that bad a doctor I guess. I've had really bad doctors before but lets save that for the Geraldo Revera show. (fat chance of that one coming back, eh?).

Abortive Thinkings

2005-03-08T14:28:00.000-05:00

It's around 60 degrees warm today with possible snow expected in the morning. That's not too bad I guess, unless it stays 60 and snows too. But then I think they call that rain, actually.

I'm NOT fat! I'm actually skinny with hefty character.

PATIENT: "Doctor! Doctor! My head hurts when I do this...!" [holds hands overhead]
DOCTOR: "Get the crap out of my office. Freak."

Factoid:
Contrary to popular belief, George Washington did not have wooden teeth and never chopped down a cherry tree. However, George, was one hep daddy in the Rap scene and was killed in a horse-n-buggy driveby shooting behind a condemned discotech.

I'm so poor I cant even afford to pay attention. In fact my family was poor. We were so poor, I woke up one night to get a glass of water in the kitchen and witnessed a cockroach pull a switchblade on rat over a piece of cheese.

PATIENT: "Doctor! Doctor! It hurts when I do this!!!"
DOCTOR: "Touch me again and you'll die to."

It Happened One Day

2005-03-07T16:44:00.000-05:00

KevenTheOneArmed got a brand new puppy as a present. That same day the poor puppy came up lame! Worried, he rushed his prized puppy to his good friend,Doctor Doug who assured KevenTheOneArmed he would treat the puppy for free.

Doctor Doug placed the puppy on the table, inspected it and stood back, puzzled. He quickly opens a pet carrier cage from which emerged a white cat. The cat leaped on the table and sniffed the puppy from head to toe, stopping at the paw - and bit on a thorn, pulled it out and ran back to it's cage.

Doctor Doug put a bandaid on the wound and handed the pooch back to it's owner - and gave him a bill for $1,700.

"WHAT!? You told me you'd treat, Puppy Dog. For free because we are long time friends!!! What the crap is this bill" questioned KevenTheOneArmed in a nasty huff.

Doctor Doug, reassured his friend, "That's right. For treating him there's no cost at all. That was free. But the Cat Scan aint."

THUH END

A Movie and A Whine

2005-03-06T18:38:00.000-05:00

My fellow conservatives. I just watched a movie which gets my seal of approval for family viewing. "Agent Cody Banks". It's a Kid's James Bond flick - eh - close enough. Really funny and entertaining. Has no nudity unless you count the dog strutting around shamelessly, and I must warn you, Jerry Falwell swears the dog is a gay lesbian satanist. But, I, however disagree. Sure the dog has effemenent qualities, but it's only on screen for like 15 seconds grand total. The mutt just walks funny. Okay?

Frankie Munz, has the lead role and the kid really does a good job unlike his last flick, "Big Fat Liar". He looks odd though. Really odd. Extraterrestrial odd if you get my meaning. Anyway - the short of it is - mild violence - no splattering of blood or guts exposured scenes.., and I don't really recall any expletives.

Changing Subjects:
My cold seems to be less dramatic today. While my head feels like it's been overstuffed with burnt marshmallows, the grotesque cranium leakage appears to have slowed down to a trickle. Almost nill. But that's okay. It builds character. That's actually a lie, but you knew that already, didn't you? You know you did.

I hope to have this sickness whooped in record order. Usually colds lay siege to my being for several weeks - however, I noticed the older I get, the less enduring the colds are. But then I may have just jinxed myself with this brag! Lets hope not.

Okay, that's all I got to squawk about for the time being. As you were.

Yesterday Was Good - Today Sucks Bricks

2005-03-05T14:55:00.000-05:00

Today - the cold, she be nasty. How can the human skull hold so much liquid? I'm a one man world supply factory! I belong in the Guiness World Records, I truly believe that. To bad there's no demand for bottle liquid snot. I'd be filty rich. My head is leaking the stuff at a rate of ten gallons per minute.

I do believe that I rank King among the cold infected males when it comes to whining and cry babying. Misery - oh misery, thou art a cruel kinsman what doth smite mine belingered soul. Mine nasals weep, nay, flood! as forces of the whirlwind dredge from mine inner gut, gathering strength to launch upward assault. Ocean spray unsuspecting souls before me. They fall, one by one.

Other than that - everything is simply, groovy. And I did get to see the Little Guy yesterday. He was a hoot. While he stood in my good knee as I held him in balance - he started doing a midget Elvis dance - wiggling his hips and his head with deliberat intent and raised a corner of his lip - I gotta say - this had me in stitches as I laughed myself silly. Okay I was already silly but you know what I mean. This was truly the highlight of my last few days. I even forgot about my cold for a little bit. He already had a cold so I wasnt worried about spreading my crappiness to him. Grandkids! Gotta love em!

NOTICES and STUFF

2005-03-04T08:54:00.000-05:00

* The Djoodjoo Board tagboard is down, its true. I've been shamefuly lazy in in removing and replacing it with something else. Be patient as I am sure Tommorrow I will have it done, just as surely as I declared this to myself three days ago.

* Welcome back POPS! Glad to see you made it through some rough hurdles and rejoined us in the Internet Nether Wurld. I miss my, Grandpawing 101 Classes, horrendously and hearing about the grand adventures with the grandkiddos.

* ANOTHER AGES OLD MYSTERY OF THE UNIVERSE SOLVED!
For years since the release of, "Back to the Future II" I've agonized over what Future Jennifer said at the same time 1985 Jennifer said when both met at the doorway. I've asked friends, yes even strangers and no one had a clue. Then yesterday I had a lightbulb switch on. That was cool. When I was through playing with the light-switch I then had an idea. I plugged in the video tape, turned on the Tv's Closed Captioning feature - and upon reaching said scene - Future Jennifer, said, "I'm young" - 1985 Jennifer said, "I'm old". What was I thinking? Was it worth it? NO! It's like solving the, Eternal Water Spicket, mystery. Once the mystery is gone - it sucks!

* Martha Stewart was released from Prison! Moments after walking though the gates she was quoted as saying, "I tamed a prison. Tomorrow the world! Muahahahaaa!"

* Lastly - I got a cold. That's not the bad news. The bad news is I'm giving it to you! "AAAAH-AAAH-CHOO!" - thank me later.

The Holy Nine Commandments

2005-03-02T18:08:00.000-05:00

The Ten Commandments on government property is once again making news. I'm not against the Ten Commandments being displayed - but at the same time I am against those who are forcing it away. AND I am upset with my Christian brothers and sisters who are out there picketing and protesting the removal of the Ten Commandments as if they were sacred. "WHAT!!! DAVEMAN! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?"

Let me essplain Lucy. I personally believe the 10 Commandments are sacred - but these people who are out there with signs and shouting and some individuals perhaps threatening in a non Christian sort of way, are guilty of breaking these very commandments. At least one of these Commandments are broken by the vast majority of Christians. Want me to name the #1 top violated Commandment that Christians break?

"Remember The Sabbath Day and Keep It Holy". I'm not even bothering to debate Sunday verses Saturday, but that Commandment says what it says and has never changed. It still says "Sabbath" and I for one am not empowered to rewrite it. And if it did change and became non effect, then the rest of these Commandments have lost it's weight as well. Just something to think about, and trust me - no one has yet to satisfy my required proof that Saturday has changed to Sunday with Christ's arrival and departure. Constantine was responsible for changing the Saturday worship in an effort to separate what he deemed as Christianity from the Jewish religion.

I've heard "every" argument and bending and re-interpreting certain passages in the New Testament (and Old Testament) to justify Sunday observation over Saturday, but again, nowhere can they find a plainly written passage to defy any of those 10 commandments. That challenge remains open for anyone who wants to dance. I acknowledge that anyone can worship, hold any day holy and there is nothing wrong with that - but the Saturday still should be held in deep regard. Scary as it is, I used to join most my Christian brothers in mocking those who worshiped on Saturday! Until I desired to really explore the turth, and quit listening to know-it-alls with doctorates, I was a staunch "Pastor John Doe went to seminary - and he knows..". Doctorates mean nothing sometimes, and this is one of them times.

To the uninitiated - Sabbath is Saturday. I don't mean to poke fun at anyone's intelligence here, and if you don't know, you don't know till someone explains it. I grin really big every time I hear someone rattle off the 10 Commandments and explain each one as they go - then - when it comes to the keeping the Sabbath Day, they say, "This means to go to church every Sunday and worship God"... (giggle-snort) ...

Okay - that's enough. Some will argue that it doesn't matter what day one worships on, and that's fine. All I'm saying is no one to this day has ever satisfied to my satisfaction, the idea that the Sabbath is of no-effect. Some will throw in the old, "we Christians keep the spirit of the law, not the letter". True - even given the "spirit" of the law, the Sabbath still remains the Sabbath. It's written that way, ya know.

BTW - in closing - many of the secular suggest that our original government never embraced Christianity. MUHAHAHA! I laugh so hardy. Some of our oldest government buildings have "bible scripture" embedded in the original stonework - which to me suggest the Bible, if nothing else, was respected and recognized as important by our founding fathers, elsewise those Bible passages would have never been engraved. The Subject is closed for now.

Nuff sed, Jed. Now I put it to bed.

A Retrospective of genius

2005-03-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

I was always a prodigally type of genius. That is, if anyone was curious as to this factoid. It's a humbling reality but, oh so true. I reflect back to one of the many examples of my life, which lay there in the form of memories. Memories in the corner of my mind - apparently along with, Barbara Streisand.

Join me in my sixth grade class;

TEACHER:
"Who can tell me what a, Dangling Participle, is?"

Several hands across the classroom popped up like a dizzying game of, Pop goes the weasel, - a few hands slipped downward as second thoughts probed the minds of dim wit's.

TEACHER:
"Daveman. What is a, Dangling Participle?

DAVEMAN:
"But teacher, I thought you knew this stuff. It's your job." (class errupts in a rash of giggles)

TEACHER:
"Just answer the question, mister Daveman, or sit down. Dazzle the class with your expertese and woefully expansive knowledge."

DAVEMAN:
"Okay. A dangling participle, goes back to the early 1800's when the School Participle was caught messing around with Farmer Joe's wife, the Parson's wife and Aunt Edna. This ended in a, Dangling Participle, leaving the local merchantile a few cents richer and one rope shy."

TEACHER: (red faced - almost fuming)
"Okay, that's it. Sit down now. You know..., I envy your parents, Daveman. I really do."

DAVEMAN:
"As well you should, Miss Teacher."

TEACHER:
"Sit down now, mister Daveman, or you'll be visiting Participle Anderson and, Old BlueBuns!" (blue buns being a large, broad paddle so named due to the holes strategically drilled into it for optimum effect)

DAVEMAN:
"Okay, Okay, Okay. Geesh. I'll sit down but just remember - they mocked Einstein too!"

Yes - they all laughed - but who's laughing now? YOU ARE! So STOP IT! Anyway, I am fairly certain Miss Teacher hated the rest of the class but doted on muah. I mean, what's not to love? Not in the scandalous intent of the word, love in association with teacher, but you know what I mean. The woman knew I'd have a clever answer and without fail called on me to provide an answer.

[Notation: any resemblance to the truth is purely occidental. even]

The Replacement

2005-02-27T08:03:00.000-05:00

On a more serious note...

As you can guess - Pope John Paul II, is on some very unstable ground healthwise. I have nothing for the Roman Catholic brand of Christianity but I do admire the Pope's perserverence. The man is a tough old bird still hanging in there when he should have croaked a couple years back. Eventually he's going to loose out - like anyone else and exit, stage left.

I personally believe, John Paul II's replacement Pope in succession, will be black, with relative Muslim ties. In today's world of Political Correctness, race issues and the rise of Islaam, the Roman Catholic Church heads, always banks with the winner. I could bring up historical examples here but I don't want to start an argument - just trust me when I say I've reason to go with this angle.

To conservative Christians apart from the RCC and apart from Liberal Churches.., this next Pope, be he black or be he white or be he zebra striped, he will be a dangerous man for our time. The R.C.C. has gone through a great deal of exposure on the perversions in her ranks and they must make repairs by changing certain themes and angles. I sense a restructuring ahead for the Roman Catholic Church, not so much as actual morality as much as disguised to appear more moral, in effort to repair her losses of patrons and coinage - and of course throughout history they aligned themselves with winning forces to one degree or another.

Also take note - an increased interest (if I am right and I am) will be taken in Palestinian president, Abu Mazen (aka Mahmoud Abbas) by the new Pope. There is already a deeper connection than people realize. My information does not come from any conspiracy nutcase source but a reliable one. I say one more time - devoted Christians apart from the Roman Catholic Church and apart from the liberal churches will see what I'm talking about in due time. Everyone else? Will be left in the dark.

If I have anything else to add - he may fool me, but I seriously doubt the Pope will last through to 2006. He's a tough cookie, I grant you and he could fool me this time but I doubt it.
That's my take on that one.

All Just Aint What It's Supposed Ta Be

2005-02-25T10:27:00.000-05:00

Rodney Dangerfield, I feel your pain! NO RESPECT! I get NO respect at all! But I guess getting no respect could be a good thing in that you're alive to even get it. Rodney done checked out and left the building with Elvis. So what happened? Okay, since you asked...,

I tried the, Fonz, finger snap, thumb's up, "Ayyye" combination and it worked! I had chicks all over me! But the freakin' critters started pecking at my eyes and as I went screaming off the farmer came running out with a shoot-gun trying to plaster me with rock-salt. Ever see an old guy limping along on cain at breakneck speeds, screaming like a banchee, all while attempting to dodge flying salt? Its not a pretty sight. No it's not! No respect - no respect at all.

NOW THE BAD NEWS!
I am so sick and tired of these New York subhuman "city slickers" businesses insulting the intelligence of people from the south - like Arkansans such as myself for example. KRAFT has actually produced what it perceives as true redneck candy! Its a package of candy shaped like roadkill which includes tire marks on flattened animal shapes like, snakes, chickens and squirrels! See what I mean? These sorry butt-wipes expect us southerners to accept this sitting down - but I got news for them. Any redneck knows that typical roadkill also includes Possum, dogs, cats and armadillos! Until they correct this problem I will NOT be buying any ripoff city slicker's idea of Roadkill Candy. The morons.

[ Editors Notations: anyone offended on references about Elvis should realize no offence intended and should otherwise get a life. Last I checked he didn't part the Red Sea nor walk on water. Anyone offended an references about Rodney Dangerfield - good for you, now get real. P.E.T.A. Supporters - get out of my bidnuth. If I wanna eat dead candy - I'll do it and not blink twice]

LATEST DAVEMAN SIGHTING:
R.J. Irkman reports he saw me sitting in a restaurant in L.A., eating a sub-sammich with Elvis and two alien's from planet Utawkatumuch.

LOST

2005-02-24T11:53:00.000-05:00

I seem to have lost myself. Anyone having seen me, please let me know ASAP, and please provide me with all the details. Where I was sighted, what was I wearing, and doing and did I have a smile on my face when I did? It.

As you were..,
- Daveman

TODAY IN VIKING HISTORY

2005-02-23T17:52:00.000-05:00

Today in circa 962 A.D., history records that the Vikings averted war by trading moss to villiage Raiders. These Raiders would dispatch raiding parties into small Viking villiages, raping chickens, sucking on goats and scaring old people - not to mention the unforgivable act of pantsing the sacred villiage idiot.

Erik the Blood-axe, a viking Warlord, while quite efficient at killing and invading, found these harrassments a devistation and embarrassment of sorts and sent a messenger to ask, Erlik the Tyke (Raider's leader) what they wanted in exchange for peace elsewise these Raiders would face certain war. Erlik the Tyke sent word that they wanted all the moss that the Vikings could give. From that day forward a war was averted and the raiders enjoyed their moss salads.

And Once Again - Today in fact - History repeats itself. [click]

A Free Daveman Public Service

2005-02-23T12:56:00.000-05:00

Know anyone who's thinking about breaking up with a crappy relationship and they don't know how? I have precomposed a general letter for them so that they do not have to weary themselves with that "serving notice" detail. In fact this Dear Joan or Dear John letter (whichever case it may be since its unisexed) is so simple they don't even have to read the details - just place the Dumpee's name on the top line and the Dumper's name on the last line - print it out, stuff it in an envelope, stamp it, then shove it in a mail box! They can thank me later.

Dear ___________________

As with all good things they kind of come to a sudden sputter before keeling over. It's nothing personal but it could be in our best interest to see other people. Besides, with looks like yours you could luck out and actually get a date within a month or two. You know what they say about perserverance. Think positive.

We've had a few good memories and I'm sure, if given the appropriate amount of time I could think of them, however for now lets not torcher this dog any more than we already have. The poor thing is in it's death rattle for crying out loud - so you should go your way and I go mine.

I shall never forget you, try as I may. It hasn't been all bad though really. Sorry about that. Those jokes just keep leaping outta nowhere. It's my humor. Remember? The humor you said you loved about me? I knew you would. Anyway, as the poet once said, "Partying is such sweet sorrow after the punch is gone". So I bit you a sad fondue.

Yours Truly,
_________________________

A Day To Remember: Escape To Los Angeles

2005-02-21T22:09:00.000-05:00

Remember when like I didn't jump over the Grand Canyon on a tricycle? Me too! That was sooo cool! and remember when I didn't come over to your house and have a like, raging party and stuff? AWESOME! Didn't we not have fun and stuff? YAH! Kewl!

That kind of like reminds me when the President sent me over into Los Angeles in a Sail Plane to rescue Pops from a bunch of thug prisoners because like as you know it was turned into like this huge prison because of something Arnold Schwarzenegger did. Politicians are sooo cool that way. Anyway like President Bush said, "Snake, you gotta do this for your country" - and like I said, "Snake? Don't call me snake. Call me, Daveman. It's sounds cooler." And so like Bush said, "Think you can handle it, Daveman?" and like I said, "Just bring it on Bushmeister."

So it was like, night time, and they gave me this Sail Plane what I spray painted "U.S.S Enterprise" on it and I flew it in really fast and it like landed on this highrise roof. From there I like, put on my gear and left the building and found this black chick was kinda foxy who's name was Gurly Gurl and she like look like a 1960's reject and stuff... but anyway Adrienne Barbeau was there - and MAN! She sure has aged. I called her Grandma - fortunately for me she misunderstood and thought I gave a her a tough sounding chick name like, Grandmal - as in vicious headache or something.

We worked together and found Pops locked in this room being torchered and stuff. He had scantily clad women crawling all over him and he was screaming, "DON'T! STOP! DONT! STOP!" or was that, "Don't Stop"? Anyway I could tell he was miserable because of that twisted smile - the sort what looks maniacal or something and stuff. He must have been delusional too cause when we grabbed him and dragged him away he screamed obscenities at us. He must of thought we were the emeny or sumpin.

Anyways - we made it to the sewer and found this like mini-submarine and stuff and like, I took it and forced Pops into the cargo hold. It was cramped I guess but I wasn't sharing the cockpit with a crazy man. He kept wanting to go back to that room of unspeakable horrors ya know. And stuff. So we shoved off - "shoved off" being an old nautical term for shoving off - and made it back to where ever it was I started from and delivered the package. Uhm - and Pops too.

Then President Bush said to me, "Snake..." and I interrupted him and said in slow monotone voice, "My name is Dave. Daveman. Disturbed and slightly shaken.". Then he says, "Daveman, thank you. You have done did a service for your country and you should be proud." And so I asked him "Skip all that. Don't I get some medals or some money or new VCR or sumpin?" and he says, "No. Just pride in doing something for your country."

I wasn't liking this very well and went to his house and unplugged every electrical appliance he had. "Welcome to the dark ages" I exclaimed as I walked hero like into the sunset. Guess I taught him huh. You know I did. This is a true story by the way. No. Really. No. Really. It coulda been. You don't know. You don't know! No you don't. You don't know. Really. You don't.

A Postcard from the Ledge

2005-02-18T19:15:00.000-05:00

Pardon the smell. Little guy puked on me when he came to visit today. He spreads the love without prejudice, what can I say. He wanted me to post this pic so his lady fans can admire his dashing good looks (which I remind you he gets mostly from his grandpa - me).

We had a good visit and for the first time got the bugger to smile when I played with him. He's such a serious little guy and always has this look as you see him. He does smile eventually - but I personally could never "make him" smile until today. It was a fleeting smile about two minutes long but a treasure memory non the less. Anyway - he says he likes the early Kojak for which he contrives his hair style and asked me to convey his trademark carry over.. "Ahgoo ooo awhoo" which means, "Who loves ya, baby?"

A Question For Ju Peepuls

2005-02-17T20:55:00.000-05:00

Guess what! I said..., GUESS WHAT! .....
What's that you said? Some of you said, "What?" because I heard you! Geesh - It's hard to sail anything past you guys. The rest of you? Hah - Over your head, under your feet, never the two should ever meet. But that's okay! It's really okay.., No it aint but I didn't want you to feel bad. Too late for that now, eh.

Obviously I had nothing of major importance to report today so I scabbed out. Sorry. Maybe next time? Maybe? It could happen. It's possible. IS TOO! I said - IS TOO! Stop challenging me here. You know how hat hurts me wittle haid. You do too. Do too. Oh hush.

A Trip To Da Knee Doctah

2005-02-15T14:49:00.000-05:00

Today was the day I got an absolute word on my knee-bone. I had to wrestle it out of the man, as the staff called in men with tranq-guns. Several darts and a destroyed office later, the doctor finally tells me, "Your knee is at the top of its game. It will not get better." Why cant he be like other doctors and lie? I ask you - is that too much to ask for? Sure I wouldn't be happy with a lie but its tradition for crying out loud! Why stop now.

At any rate - I wont be able to run and play with the Little Guy when he's old enough. I'll have to sit on the side lines and watch him play with his other grandpa at best. Ask me if that idea ticks me off. Go ahead ask! Well - since you asked - YES! IT TICKS ME OFF!

But I degrease. I am trying my best to practice what I preach, by cowboying up and deal with a situation beyond my control. Besides. There are other people out there (perhaps you're one?) that has far worse problems and would gladly trade places with me and my decrepit ol' knee. Therefore I do have lots to be grateful for.

I will now either have to sell my expensive metal detector and treasure hunting equipment OR devise some way to resume my hobby - preferably the latter. To continue my hobby I would have to be inventive on retrieving shallow targets (to 12 inches deep average) from the earth without having to get down on that knee. Sounds easy until you see my former usual method of retrieval. Oh well. It Huhts - me po wittle knee huhts mommie!

Whoops! I mean - PAIN!? WHAT PAIN! I FEEL NO PAIN! I am a subhuman dynamo what feels no pain! I'm baaaad! I'm da man! I'm baaaad and I'm da man! YEAH! I'm a man! I almost joined the army once dang it! I'M a MAYUN! (anybody convinced yet, just nod).

Excuse me while I go and walk on broken glass chards and razors, but not before I drink a big ol' glass of gasoline near a blazing fire - I be a mayun! YEAH!

IT's V-DAY!

2005-02-14T14:16:00.000-05:00

It's Valentines day - so named after Rudolf Valentino! who was a filthy love aminal. Listen - who ya gunna believe? Your history teacher or me!? ME! Just quit interrupting and you'll learn sumpin smart.

Anyway - I should tell you all that I could have any woman in the world I want! Provided they suddenly lost their eye sight, hearing and developed a severe mental disorder thus reducing any chance of resistance. Okay - so I cant have everything, but I have that solace though unlikely as it is *** envisions, Jolene Blalock, in her star trek, T'pol role, frothing at daveman's feet, her eyes rolling mindlessly saying - "dabeman - me wub nu shclooapa - ooo ***

But I digress. I've actually come to the place in my life I don't need companionship. If you'd of asked me if this was possible some 10 or 15 years ago - I'd of laughed in your face. Actually I've found this comfortable zone within myself about 6 years ago (best guess). When I do start to feel a little lonely I get a sudden flashback of my last few relationships and it cures me right up! Nothing like visual shock therapy eh? eh! Those disturbing images of ex-wife, Cujo, alone could fix loneliness forever.

I envy those who have successful marriages and maintain a long running relationship. Those are worth fighting to keep. No relationship is perfect and it takes work. With me, my problems were running into crazy women who wanted to play head games. In Cujo's casem dangerous games. I know women talk about men who do that - but I'm here to say - women are masters at it - or at least the ones I keep bumping into. If there is only 1 in a million who act that way - I ended up with 4 million of them. Eh - whatever.

To you lucky love birds who have had long relationships - I solute you!

From N.Korea With Love

2005-02-12T16:34:00.000-05:00

And you thought William Hung was the bomb!? You havent heard nothing yet - just listen as North Korean President, Kim Jung-il, swoons the ladies for Valentines Day with his one hit wonders..... Order today and get the bonus 45 lp, "She Bangs"

NO EAR RINGS PLEASE!

2005-02-12T10:13:00.000-05:00

This is a talk for the guys. Stop wearing ear rings, dudes. Its just not cool and its not a matter of being gay or straight. That's right, sexual expulsion has nothing to do with ear rings. It's clearly the woman's domain and it becomes her.

I personally am not impressed with men who wear ear rings. I don't think it's cool, I don't even like talking business with some man who's got this sliver of metal or glass dangling off his crainial mass. It just aint right. I keep thinking, "do I unload all my primal hostility on this guy and rip this thing out of his head - or - should I just tell him to go away and die?"

Honestly! Ever visit a mental institution? See any male patients wearing ear rings? NO! No you don't. And do you know why? Because ear rings are crazy even to crazy people. I'm proud to say I never wore an ear ring in my life. Guys - just stick with the manly neck logging chains to achieve that macho standard. Women love manly men who wear logging chains and the occasional Logging Truck attached to them, although not many fellas can lug that truck around very far. (psssst - an italian sports car is much lighter and women love sports cars).

So in contusion, I profonticate with subdural hematoses (???-don't ask-???) and remind men everywhere; You don't have to wear ear rings any longer just because you think its macho or stylish. I set you free! FREE! Be free from that stigmata you crusty mater haids! Yayus! Yayus! Walk free! Be the mayun! Be the mayun!

And if you do wear ear rings? Don't worry. I wont think any less of you - BUT - I'd stay away from crazy people if I were you. HEY! Where you going? Come back here.., I wasn't finished.. HEY! What thuh....

THE "KNOW ME" WINNER IS....

2005-02-10T17:59:00.000-05:00

One of you lucky seven guessed correctly! However - if its any consolation, the rest of you guessed my favorite sitcoms (minus Little House on the Prairy Chicken) - just not my absolutest best most favorite one. And because of this - all participants get a consolation prize - The Book Cover. You may copy the book cover graphic and plaster on your blog, print it out and paste it on your head or anything you wish to do wit et.

AbbyNormal won the grandprize - a brand spanking new - Nothing! All for guessing, "3rd Rock from the Sun"!!! That show really rocks my world - and French Stewart's charactor, Harry, just cant be beat. Although the other cast beat him a lot - i mean he be the funniest one of a group of really halarious peoples.
But I degrease. 3rd Rock is a delicate balance, a harmonized soup dejour that requires all the five main players to make it work.

ANYWAY - Abby.., It's yours an yours alone to use, abuse or whatever you so desire to do wit et.

See! Everyone came away a winner! I'm just a great guy like that - I know I know.
Enjoy your prizes and take care of them. Take care of them and they will take care of you. Not really but they sure are sheeky aint they? You know dats riiight!

Glockenschepeile!

2005-02-07T14:21:00.000-05:00

STOP IT! STOP THAT NOISE! What on earth were you doing? Whatever it was - stop it please. Stop it at once. While I always enjoy your company and dropping in, check the noise at the door, for my sake. Thank you. Oh - and wipe your feet. The carpet has just been shampooed.

The Little Guy (my grandson) and I were having a row the other day. He made some preposterous claims I just can't tolerate nor accept. He said - and I quote; "Ahboo blurrrp oooo ahhh ehpoo ahhgoo ahhgoo eeee-eee oooo" which translated into adult language means, "Gampa, my findings preclude that quarks excited with celeron particles during a process of subdividing the atomic mass results in a potential key to opening worm holes within the concurrerant substream of intense gamma deflection."

The lad has a ways to go on his moot theories. Anyone knows that this process could only result in fracturing the sublayer of atomic mass unless a vortex -or- bubble shell is created in a controlled hyperextended surge of protons. Hence when concluded properly - yields the end product typically known as, poopy filled baby diapers. Kids. Gotta love em as they struggle for the finer meanings of biofunction.

As you might guess - the Patriots won the Super-bowel, and there were no national incidents in any commercial or live performances. No mishaps? That's kind of breaking with tradition isn't it? Non the less - I really could care less. I mean.., these guys go out and half kill each other over a ball and get paid millions of dollars every year. There is something wrong with that. I was once beat up on by a gang of thugs some many years back and I didn't get any green for my part - just black and blue. Although I did get something good out of my beating. I found out who my friends, were not, as my companions ran for their lives. We did have a long talk, trust me on this.

Anyway - Here's a short "know me quiz" for you folkses.
DAVEMAN's MOST FAVORITE SITCOM OF ALL TIME IS...
[1] Cheers
[2] Taxi
[3] 3rd Rock From the Sun
[4] Welcome Back Kotter
[5] Scrubs
[6] Little House On The Prairy Chicken

The winner will get another brand new designer, 2005 Nothing! Your choice of no colors (no red, no blue, no black) and comes in no range of sizes, never needs batteries or even cleaning, ever! The value of this 2005 Nothing has been valued as price-less, which serves you well because you don't have to report it as income with the IRS. Unfortunately you cant claim it as a deduction either but what else do you expect for nothing?

OH, POPS! WHERE ART THOU!?!

2005-02-04T19:05:00.000-05:00

I have no idea what happened - but Pop's Blog is GONE! Did he move his blog? Did he shut it down for good? I will miss the one I respectfully and reverently refer to as, Pops. He always has marvelous tales to tell about his military and family life.

Pops - if you're out there..., I may not be the closest of friends, I may not even be your bestest bud - but you're a Bud non the less and I'll miss your presence a great deal. Wherever you are - may your life soar on swift wings to wonderful places

I Have Some Theories

2005-02-04T10:15:00.000-05:00

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
The rejection of the Ten Commandments in our Courthouses has been a really hot topic as of late. To be honest, I don't think it has anything to do with a person's belief in God or otherwise. The repulsiveness they find are, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not lie, Thou shalt not covet..., etc.,. Need I remind you that these are after all, buildings full of Lawyers, Judges and Politicians? Regular shark tanks, mon.

USED CAR SALESMEN
I believe the Used Car Salesman choice of Plaid is not a fashion statement. You see, its hard for our brains to process all the BS, UCS'ers throw at us with all those colors interlaced with horizonal and lateral lines piercing through your eyeballs directly into the cerebral cortex. It has a stun gun to the brain effect. It's a tool of the trade my friend, it's a tool of the trade.

WOMEN!
Women are ...., Never mind! Leave me alone on this one fellas. I can get in trouble real quick pursuing this one. BUT let me just say this.., to the women who read Davemania; you are the flowers of society, the ambrosia to ..eh..something or other.., and prozac to.., eh... whoever.. and uhm..., otherwise have immunity to anything negative I might otherwise say. (ahem) I mean, you came here didn't you? This in itself shows you have Class! Refined taste! Pizzaz and are in fact, excellent all together classy broads if I do say so myself - and I do.

ALIENS / E.T.'s
Oh Pullleeeeese! Gemme a break! We've had E.T.s living amongst us for years, right under our noses. Dennis Rodman, Robin Williams, Paul Reubens (aka - perverted PeeWee Herman), Tiny Tim, and R.J. Irkman, just to name a few. Hollywood is filled with this strange brew.

Okay - Okay! I see the pained look in your eyes so I'll stop at this point. Geesh. Try to enlighten people and they get all wierded out on ya. But that's the price (as resident genius) I must pay, always paying, in debt, overdrawn and quartered. OKAY! I'm stopping already. I am. Watch. SEE!? I stopped.

I'm still stopped. Still stopped. Not doing anything. Done. Finito. Finished. Kaput. Lactose intolerant. Not really but it surprised you, didn't it.

Daveman's Believe it or Not Moment

2005-02-03T11:33:00.000-05:00

Lightning sometimes strikes the same place twice - and sometimes, it seeks out whom it missed! Many moons ago, we lived in a dinky house in the boonies. My mother was in the kitchen washing dishes while I was in my room playing with kittens our kitty cat had just a scant few weeks earlier.

"Mom!" I called. The kittens were really tussling in a serious all out brawl for such little baby's and I knew my Mom would find it adorable to see these little furballs spitting and swatting each other with drunken passion. Uhm.., the kittens not my mom. She never drank in her life. Whatever. Anyways....

My bedroom door faced the kitchen - and just as mother reached the doorway - BOOOM! - ZAP! - POW!

It was like a small bomb went off. I could feel the static splinter into my face from my bedroom. My mother's hair instantaneously went into a magical "fluff" mode, feeling stings against her back. Lightning had struck a tree just outside the kitchen window, followed down to an exposed root - jumped five to eight inches to the exposed sink drain pipe - followed the pipe to the metal sink. An arc-weld was found in the corner whereby a half inch of counter-top was blown off the cabinet's surface.

About two, maybe three, years later my Pop purchased some land and a really nice manufactured home fairly close to town. My Dad was at the kitchen table reading his bible as my Mother was cooking burgers on the electric stove for supper. She turned away and took two, maybe three steps toward my Dad to ask how he wanted his burgers done when, BOOOM! - ZAP - POW! All the lights went out leaving us wondering if this was the end of the world.

Lightning had struck a tree - jumped to the Central Aircondtioning unit and infiltrated the house wiring. The aircondition bought the farm, the console television was blown out, and in the kitchen - at the stove - the cast iron skillet what had been sizzling some juicy Fatburgers had a hole the size of a dime and the burner was in worse condition. One of the burgers had been blown out of the skillet and the grease was a smokin'. And to think she was standing over the thing! If she had held the handle... (??)... Luckily no one was hurt and no fire resulted - miracle of miracles.

TWICE in less that 4 years apart my mother had a close call. I encourage her to stay indoors when it storms.. I really do.

I was told that smoke migrates toward people who are apt to draw lightning. I suspect this is true because (and I exaggerate not) when ever my Mom has been near anyone smoking or around burning trash, the smoke almost always defies the wind - unless its a hard wind - and goes toward her. So I would suggest that if you know anyone who has this peculiar smoke magnetism, stay away from them when out doors during a cloudy day. OH YES! Both days it was not storming - just slightly dark, rainly looking days.

Call this a Daveman's Believe it or Not Moment. Believe it or not - this really happened. Of course I've heard of cases whereby people have been repeatedly lightning struck and survived. My mother's story pales in comparison to such events - but still - its a too close for comfort the experience.

It's GROUNDHOG DAY - Again!

2005-02-02T10:28:00.000-05:00

Punxsutawny Phil, must die! The infamous huge sewer rat, I am convinced is a member of a mystical crack cult working in unison with McDonalds to drive people to drink McDonald's hot Crack-Coffee for six more weeks of bum freezing! When he goes into hibernation (wink-wink) he actually rejoins his cult working on new spells and reading PlayHog as well as SportsHole Illustrated -Swimsuit Edition magazines.

To make matters worse - I keep waking up to see reruns on Tv! IT'S TRUE! Okay, okay..., I know Tv always shows reruns but that's beside the pointlessness I'm trying to make here. This day has happened before! Even when I was a kid - this day keeps rolling around over and over every year as far back as I can remember. Some poor old souls, older than I (**cough-cough-pops-cough**) remember the same day happening every single year - this rat - calling the shots on the weather! So as you might guess - the movie, Groundhog Day, starring Bill Murray, is fairly close to the mark.

The only problem is - Punxsutawny Phil - has more security than the combined forces of Homeland Security! No one can get to this furry piece of terlet paper in order to end this endless revolving curse. Don't even try it. Killing a groundhog carries several life sentences and six death penalty's. That's right! Six of em! They fry you, bury you, dig you up and fry you again, and again, and ... you get the picture. Even the United States President doesn't carry that much clout.

One can always wait for this beasty to die of old age - but MY GAWD! Punxsutawny Phil, has been around for over a hundred years (that's 1-billion-point-666 dog years to you and me)!!! Do you see a evil sinister elephant in that jar of cookies? I bet you do. OH STOP LOOKING! That was a figure of speech. No elephant can squeeze into a jar of cookies. Duh!. A Great Dane, might - but not an elephant.

Commercial Interruption

2005-01-26T11:26:00.000-05:00

We interrupt this Break with a commercial message... gotta keep them sponsors happy don'cha know...
-------------------
Do you have exema? Are you stupid? Is your brother so ugly you'd swear maggots use his face for a nesting place? Is your mother a car? No she's not but if she had wheels, she'd be a wagon. Try our new Xem-Away! Within hours of taking this product, you'll look better, feel better and while your brother will still look ugly, you can deal with it. In no time at all you'll be touring all over Europe in your wagon, provided your mother is strong enough to tote your sorry lazy fat astronomical sized bum.

[CONSUMER WARNING: Side effects are; *Dry mouth, *brain irradiation but no more than the 3-million rads you pump into your brain with a cell phone anyway, * An intense burning desire to watch the Vonage "yoo-hoo-hoo" commercial over and over and over]
------------------
We now return you to Daveman's break so he can mealiate [mee-lee-eight]. We aren't sure what that word means and we don't care and.., we're using it anyway. Anyone having a problem with this world, should seek guidance counseling.
-------------------
Parting Shot -A man called into a radio station screaming and yelling like spit dog mad insano, ranting about McDonalds. I've seen people down on MickyDee's before but this guy was something else. He launched into this tirade about how people don't know this but McDonalds puts crack into all their food to addict kids to McDonald food. According to him even their ice has calories injected into them AND their straws are flavored with a hidden crack to make people want to by the burgers. He was dead serious - and - I suspect his brain took a long vacation. He really needs to get back home and quick.

Speaking of vacations - I now return to my well earned break. No, really. I mean it this time. I just had to say these few things then go back to doing nothing again. Starting..., Now! No.., wait a minute ***dave waits for the second hand on his watch to strike on 12** - Okay - NOW

[ you just gained 12 extra pounds as I injected caloric hamburger addicting crack into this blog posting ]

Breaking It

2005-01-24T18:55:00.000-05:00

Sorry about this long extravanazaic entry but it couldnt be avoided. Anyways - as I was saying, or not saying (whichever the case may be).., I will be taking a break. Unless of course I decide to nix said break all together or maybe even shorten it at my option, whim or charactoristic change of mind.

Mucho slobbering to the ladies - sorry guys, you just get a manly hug.

Your Challenge!

2005-01-23T13:32:00.000-05:00

Ich habe absolut nichts zum blog ungefähr während des Momentes, also schrieb ich dieses in Gernman. Ich lasse es bis zu den hellen, die dieses blog frequentieren, um ihre witts zu benutzen, wenn sie dieses Schreiben übersetzen. Annehmend denken sie an es. Meine Besucher sind alle (insoweit ich bewußt bin) - ich sind gerecht intelligent, wundernd, welche Deutch kennen und welche zu einer Übersetzerweb site gehen.

Bereit? Satz? Gehen Sie!
Did you get any of that? Did ya huh? Did ya?

It's All About The Words

2005-01-22T09:57:00.000-05:00

I enjoy reading but not the words. They just drive me nuts. It just takes the fun out of reading books when they include the words! Whats up with that anyway? All you end up doing is going over each and every one - THOUSANDS and HUNDREDS of words.

So you see - I have nothing against reading at all. It's the underbrisket of our educational value system. Non the less, educators and publishers, I deplore you to please - stop the madness! Remove the words if you want supreme intelligentical people like myself. I have achieved much by reading without the words.

* I'm an astronaut - only without a space ship and never needed to go to space-camp
* I've been a policeman - without the badge, uniform or gun or even documentation (again - the words issue)
* I'm a brain stergion - but can I help it if I have no patients?
* I've been named as one of Forbes Top 5 Most Intelligent Men - can I help it if they honored me by not using words in that particular issue? Me thinkest naught!
* there's more but I dont want anyone to feel interior in contrast to my archivements. Okay - maybe just a little bit is good. Keeps you humble.

Reading is a Grand Adventure! It's the Words suck bricks.

Big Ol' Cry Baby

2005-01-21T07:58:00.000-05:00

The worlds biggest baby (?) was born in Brazil and tipped the scales out at 16 pounds! Fortunately the kid was taken Caesarean section. Can you imagine a baby passing through the birth canal this size? This is "OUCH" in every language imaginable. [Click For Photo and Story]

And they called me a Big Ol' Baby. I was a mere 10 pounds or so at birth. And.., NO - I didnt come with a college degree. Although, as I understand it, I did order a steak dinner about four hours later. [insert drum roll and a splash here]

A Proposal of Disposition

2005-01-20T01:35:00.000-05:00

Blake stood silent as Marsha blasted, "You dirty silt monkey from Idaho! Not that I have anything against Idaho in itself, mind you. I shall not now or ever be your wife."

"Marsha", Blake began innocently. "I have no idea what you're talking about, you orangutan she beast from the Amazon. I simply asked you if you would like to crash the Milton - Idlewilder wedding reception. I do not now or ever wish to marry you."

Marsha adjusted herself, regaining composure. "So I'm not good enough for you to marry? Is that it Blake? You intestinal sucking verbose parasite!"

Blake eyed Marsha keenly, a smirk pronounced upon his thin pencil mustached lips. "My dear, I wouldn't marry you if we were the last two male and female on this planet, you nuckle dragging Neanderthalic prostitute with arm pit shag carpeting."

Wheeling around and away from Blake, Marsha staggered slightly as she whimpered through tears, "So, what you're trying to say is that you don't wish to marry me? Not now or ever?"

"Correct", Blake said while stroking his mustache, an eyebrow arched.

"Just so were clear on that" quivered Marsha.

The next day Blake's body was found with several bullet wounds to his upper torso with a note attached to his stiffened corpse which read.., "This man got his wish".

THE MORAL;
A woman scorned is one thing but when she's got PMS... Don't talk, wear kevlar and run!

Grab a Coconut and Fake Tweed Hair...

2005-01-19T10:58:00.000-05:00

"Kumbaya My Lode, Kumbaya" ... c'mon everybody sing it wit me mon..., "Kumbaya My Lode, Kumbaya - Kumbaya My Lode, Kumbaya - Oh Lode Kumbaya...."

Now dat you feel bettah and one wit da world, mon, let us get down to da beeziness of blogging about sumting, mon. Didju know dat you look so very funny right now? You have dat look of, "What da heck is dis Daveman dude up now now?" type of look. Yes you do! And you look evah so kewt in da process, mon.

AHEM ***daveman peals off the Jamaican accent*** Ah - that's better. Now, where was I? Oh yes. I was about to tell you something. But since we sang that song that I cant get out of my head - I've forgotten just what that was I wanted to tell you about. So lets sing a new song shall we? Every body Calypso, mon!

"Say mistah tally-mon, tally me bannana, daylight commin, me wann-to go home, daylight commin, me wann-to go home...."

[NOTE: This entry in no way constitutes an intelligent blog entry nor does it qualify for a key page article in the Boston Herald Times. Any hint, indication or ipso-facto thereof is purely incidental and can no in no wise be pinned on me as deliberate. Anyone finding said entry as offensive needs to get a sense of humor and get outta my face. Know wut ah mean, Joey? It's about da fishes an swimin' wit my little stinky frens]

What Men don't Do Is Just As Bad As Not Done - Sometimes

2005-01-18T12:01:00.000-05:00

Daughter and I were discussing via Maw-Bell, the many idiot rumors generated by select groups of so called Christians and secular. The secular its understandable, but Christians have no business engaging in it. One such rumor she had read about was one regarding Sammy Davis Jr, who was (according to some document) a member of the Church of Satan. Now, Daughter, much to my surprise, didn't even know who Sammy was. Man do I feel old! ANYWAYS...,
At this news of Sammy Davis Jr. Being a Satanist, I laughed so hard I could barely talk. Why do people make up this garbage and yet claim Christ as Savior? I guess they missed the part in the Bible about what happens to all liars or maybe they feel it doesn't apply to them. Then there's the sin of tale-barriers and gossipers which are still pretty much blanketed under the liar umbrella as far as I am concerned.

But - its not just the religious who feel the need to make up lies to slander others. So many individuals, famous and not so famous, can do so many strange things I guess it makes the lies made up fairly easy to believe. James Dean for instance. He was mixed up with the occult and "may have" steeped himself into Satanism, or maybe even just tipped his toes into it to check it out. Regardless he did in fact have some dealings with the occult. To my knowledge he never claimed to be Christian so why should anyone's jaw drop on that news?

Another lie on one Reverend Kenneth Copeland has the man as a member of everything from membership with the Free Masons to the illuminati. I'm no fan of this Money Preacher ( a truth ) but his association with anything other than Christian groups is a bunch of garbage made up by malicious people. I think we mortals are capable of doing enough wrong without any help from liars.

I know this will horrify some of you but even I am capable of being less than perfect. No - Its true... Please don't faint! Just calm down, collect yourselves for a moment. Take deep breaths. You okay now? Okay.

I've done tabloid proportioned wrongs in my past - things I to this day shutter about. I look back and can not believe this person who did so many despicable things was actually me! It's as though I review someone else's life entirely. Sadly I have no excuses for such things. I could try to justify or excuse such acts, but trust me, in the end there is no excuse for the wrongs I have done. But should one day the National Enquirer decides to dig up my past to defame me, I can stand and say - I cant take back what was done. I wont elaborate on what I did or did not do - however - I can say I am no longer that man. I am a new man forgiven by Jesus Christ of ALL my past sins and therefore I am a New Man.

And lastly I'm confidant the National Enquirer can not Defame me! One has to be famous first and quite frankly I just don't see that happening. I must go now and dig up dirt on KevinTheOneArmedBoy, Greg, Pops, Miss Ginger, Gigglesbee, Aile and Tony, LyLy, TheOneAndOnlyDave, - and YOU! Muahahahaaa! Muahahahaaa! Muahahahaaa! Muahahahaaa! I need the money and some of you are late with your payoff checks.. ;o)

WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY!

2005-01-17T18:24:00.000-05:00

I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today.

But if I did blog today (and today only) it would no doubt be the most interesting blog entry ever in the whole wide world. It would have been the entry of entrys and contain the answers to the universal question; "Why" with bonus helps consisting of how to solve the world hunger problem, how to turn Howard Stern into a suit and tie man with a courteous mouth, where the Abominable Snow man really lives - and - seven simple ways to super intelligence.

However - today - I have nothing to blog about today.., I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today. I have nothing to blog about today.

The Flutterby Defect

2005-01-15T17:57:00.000-05:00

Okay - so you go back in time to change your past, right? How would you know? You cant go back into time as in your current self meeting your past self, because the same mass can not occupy the same space in time unless of course its in an alternate dimention of which you never existed except in the form of someone else that is you, an alternate you. Granted that alternate dimensional stuff is a can of worms unto itself so lets nix that one all together, shall we? Weeee Shall.

Your only option is to revert back into time as you were (past self) at whatever point in time you wish to go, provided of course its within your personal time line - that is; your life time from age 0 to Now. Kapeesh? Since the same mass/matter can not occupy the same time and space, your memories you acquired would reset back to that which it was if you reach your destination in time. Uhm - well - say if you go back to age 10 you'd only have the memories you had at age 10, nothing above that range. Got it? Brain cells while not typically thought of as mass are in fact a kind of mass of itself, and since time is fluid regardless of speed backward or forward - ya just cant have two of the same mass period.

This being the case - lets say you in fact go back into time to age 10 for the sole purpose of changing key events in your life. Okay - having said that, lets move on with this hypothesis.

You are not aware that you came back in time to change anything - maybe - possibly - there is a brief state of Dejavue because of the energies involved getting you back. Just a short millisecond state of "Something is familiar about this.." and its over. Now, you're doomed to repeat the same things you already done. Never having realized you in fact did go back in time to change your present state. Every time you wish you could return to the past - MAYBE - Just Maybe - YOU Did Go.

Now do you feel bold enough to ask me how would a Time Machine differ from the Flutterby Defect? Hmmm? Muahahahaha! Muahahahaha! Muaha-ha.., Uhm... forget you ever saw this - forget - forget - forget....

[The above theory of mine is based on real science by the way. The Butterfly effect is a flawed theory - HAH! Take that Pembroke Scholars you schoolboy punks]

The Dueling Anglos

2005-01-14T12:22:00.000-05:00

Halcort, stood back making faces at Miss Leila May, sometimes manufacturing guttural noises and laughing in pride of his skill and cunning witt. Harold Stenkphish took exception, challenging Halcort Finney to dual for his lady's honor.

Settling on forks as the weapon of choice, the two stood back to back and marched off ten paces, turned and hurled the lethal weapons toward each other. Miss Leila May ran between them to stop this nonsense, but alas, the forks struck her instead. She caught one in the chest, the other buried deep into her posterior glutums, leaving screaming in agony.

Halcort giggled and snorted with glee as Harold bewailed his fallen lass..., again the dual was renewed over Miss Leila May's pain racked body - a new set of weapons were agreed upon; Pickles! Facing each other, the fencing match began as the two locked in heated battle with such passion, all thought of Leila was lost as they trampled across her now badly bruised and impaled body.

Halcort in the end got his just deserts as Harold plugged his pickle deep into Halcort's ear, penetrating the man's brain. Harold gyrated his body, rotating his fists as if stirring a vat of witches brew in a victory dance. Leela's last pitiful strained words leaked from crimson dripping lips, "Oh bullocks.." and she died.

Me and my Foot

2005-01-13T18:45:00.000-05:00

Me and my foot are best pals. Every where I go, Foot, is there. Happy, mellow or sad - there's, Foot! However, lately foot is always complaining that I just step all over him. I don't get it. It was in his job description for crying outloud. So I did what I could to cheer up Foot; a special foot bath complete with natural spring mineral water. But what do a get? Accused of trying to drown him! Okay - he did get a little pruney but I in no way tried to do, Foot, in.

I'm getting a little scared of, Foot, to be honest. Just today he tripped me, stumping his own toe in the process which as you can guess is painful. Does, Foot, really dislike me so much the pain is worth getting even on imaginary murder attempts? Unfortunately the yellow pages doesn't have a Foot Doctor with psychological therapy. So what's to do? I even tried looking up a Church that specializes in this sort of thing - obviously Foot needs something for Foot's sole. No such a thing. So, again..., what's to do?

Oh well. It maybe just a passing thing and Foot will get over his obnoxious behavior. Just so long as, Foot doesn't do anything crazy like talk to himself out loud or imagine one of his toes is a separate living thing. As I said to Foot, "Foot, your my best bud, Foot. Other Foot and I are worried, Foot. You're just not a Foot anymore. So behave, Foot or I'll have you comitted."

Dancing, and Singing with the Angels

2005-01-11T10:56:00.000-05:00

Where the roses never fade, with my
last surrender of life, dear Lord,

Where the angels sing and dance
before you, with them I wish to be.

In your presence, my Lord
to live in love for all eternity.

When I take my last breath, let it
be with meaning to comfort those
left behind.

-- Dave
- - - - - - - - - - - -

The minister who spent his life dedicated to God; he stood behind the podium as he had so many times before and he spoke of things eternal and the hope of mankind. Preacher Arnold quoted at one point, John Wesley, "Until my work on this earth is done, I am immortal. But when my work for Christ is done ... I go to be with Jesus". Onward he marched through his sermon until uttering these words.., "And when I go to heaven ...," the elderly preacher-man then siezed both sides of the podium and breathed his last.

I could think of no better way for a man who dedicated his life to God, to pass from this life. The man who lives his life through Christ keeping in his message of love and salvation from the death that sin brings, lives forever in the Heavenly realms. Now to those who may say, "God must be cruel to do such a thing".., I will leave you with this passage..,

The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death. - Isaiah 57:1,2 [NIV]

SALUTE

2005-01-10T19:52:00.000-05:00

In case you wondered, YES I have issues - old issues of some old magazines. And I swallowed a spider to get out of doing that survey thing. It's not bad really. A little salt, a little pepper, fry that sucker in butter and you'll have a meal that any Carb Nazi would love.

The headache is buzzing in and out like a freight train with bumble bee wings. But that's okay. I got friends - you guys. Okay, the pay aint that great but what do you expect out of a guy too cheap to buy new magazine issues. As you were.

Commandant Daveman

PS - for the few of you who are Conspiracy nuts - keep an eye on, Ruscow.

Ouch!

2005-01-09T17:33:00.000-05:00

Got headache today. Not much to squawk about. Brain hurt from thinking. Thinking hurt. Daveman must not think or head go BOOM! Boomed brain not good. Not good at all. Nasty sticky mess. So Daveman do good, not think.

Daveman take curtsey now and take leave. ByedeeBye

Vanity, Oh Vanity! Where For Art Thou Vanity!?

2005-01-07T13:46:00.000-05:00

Poor, Richard Gere, throws out his best profile and actor's voice to impress the Palestinians in an effort to encourage them to "get out and vote" - and no one knew who he was, or cared. Add insult to injury when they found out he was American they cared even less. Poor schmuck. And people say I have ego problems. At any rate he left the Palestinians feeling really warm toward him [read]

FOR THE RECORD - I don't have an ego problem. It was taken out of context and pronouncification. Being misquoted by the Hollywood Examiner as saying, "I have an ego problem", what I actually said was..And I quote..,"I have an eggo problem. I'm addicted to eggos and have voluntarily signed myself into the, Betty Ford Eggo Clinic, for help." This was a number of years ago and have been Eggo free ever sense.

Its GREG with the ego problem. And Doctor Doug. And KevenTheOneArmedBwoyee. And..., all of you other mugs - even AbbyNormal. But me? No way. Can I help it of I am good looking and debonair and suave and super sophisticated and gradeeated the 6th grade? Of course not. But the rest of you are delusional. I mean really. Okay - I renig (is that racist?) - Pops maybe the exception. A man with as many or more scars than I gots has to be, like me, a superior homosapien.

It's not that I think of myself as any better than anybody else. How can anyone think their way around the facts? Its a curse being this perfect. ... Well folks ... , I hate to part but I must get my "handsome" rest so I can deal with my adoring public. Oh and Richard, if you're out there - next time let me do the Vote promo for Palestinians which would go something like this...,
"don't hate me because I'm American - hate me because I'm beautiful".
----- --- --- --- --- - - - - - ---
[Davemans Appendum]: Okay you guys know I haven't got a vain bone in my body - with the exception of my ailing knee bone. All of you visitors I deem more important and better than myself. I mean, you took the time out of your busy schedule to visit this bloog and I feel deeply humbled and appreciative. Uhm - could you spar a guy a dime?

Mega Smart Women Are Shallow Hal's

2005-01-04T18:40:00.000-05:00

A new study suggests that women of way above average IQ's are not getting the dates they would like. Why? Because the snobs want Einstein brainiac with the bodies of Fabio (who by the way I heard is turning into, Flabbio). This is kind of like buying a car; You can have a smart economy car or a power machine, but you just cant have both.

Actually adding to these snobby women's woes is that men of way above average IQ's prefer women who find the invention of the sewing machine as miraculous as we smart folks do deep space probes. Preferring the type of women who upon hearing the word "blonde moment" start looking for Kmart 1-Hour Specials in the hair products department. Sophisticated dames.

As you see, this leaves the snobby High I.Q. broad looking shallow (forgetting about the needs and benefits of the common Neanderthal man), while the High IQ'd men feel they are not above the brainless dim witted Twiggies of the world. Well.., not by too much. Actually I hear Twiggie was smarter than folks give her credit for.....[censored laughter]... AHEM - like that's a happnin'' deal? Not.

I was bored and had to type something. You may take this at face value or as pure jest. There is no correct answer to A - serious or B - not serious or C- Half and Half, and you will not be graded on such choice. In fact, I'm turning my back as you make your choice so you wont feel any pressure making this completely anonymous. Just be sure to sign your name for proper credit. [winkage]

MORE 2005 NEWS

2005-01-03T18:18:00.000-05:00

The Iraqi Terrorists are threating strikes in the United States this year. I'm tempted to say, "Eh, whatever doc", but seriously at some point in time, terrorists will make a successful hit or more. The sad truth is, you have drug deals go down every day, murders and all kinds of other domestic related crimes. The point here is, if the police and other law agencies could remain on top of everything - these crimes wouldnt happen - hence - Terrorism is a crime waiting to happen. Just sharing the facts ma'am, just sharing the facts.

The other side of the news has scientists stating the west coast could get some of what Indonesia got with little to no warning simply because the fault line in question sits just 50 miles or so off the coast. Should I even mention the BIG ONE, expected Earthquake for California?

I know, I know, I know. "Daveman, you're just a big ol' bundle of cheer today aint ya!" Well - if you're wierd - Yes! But I'll try and control myself just the same.

I dont have much else on my mind but those brain-nuggets, so enjoy. WHOA! Did someone just fart? WHO FARTED? One of you did it - you know you did! And it wernt not me - or at least I'm reasonably sure it werent not me.

It's a New Year

2005-01-01T14:59:00.000-05:00

WELCOME TO 2005! If you end up not liking it, sorry. No Exchanges and certainly No Returns.
My New Years Resolution is the same as always; to have no resolutions. It's hassle free and easy to keep.

However here's a list of things I'd like to have under my belt..,
* Be a better Christian - which in itself carries its own various ideals; faith, compassion, sincerity, honesty, patience, understanding, dedication and so much more
* Be an Ideal Grandparent to my Grandson (the Little Guy).
* Do my best to actually seperate myself from all the political arguments, pro and con.
* Be less judgemental on people I have no business (as a christian) judging. For example - Michael Jackson. Sure it looks like an open and shut case, but in all due honesty some people have been framed so who appointed me Judge? The Bible says God appointed the powers that be for judgement of men - and in the finality of it all - the Guilty must face He himself on judgment day - its unavoidable.
* Akin to the above - I want to show more Trust in God, let go and rely on him more than ever. Again this goes back to, Faith!
* Get my fat keester busy finding excercises I can do despite a gimp knee and keep busier.
* DIET! Not a killer diet - but definitely watch the sugar intake and lay off the massive doses of Soda-Pops.
* Keep all my friends in my prayers; Like KevenTheOneArmedBoy who actually as four arms, Pops, Doctor Doug, AbbyNormal, Greg, TheOneAndOnlyDave, Lady Fry (aka FridaysChild), Aile & Tony & Eek, Gigglesbee, Ortega, SPLOTCH!, Lyly, Jefferson, Phases, Miss Ginger, RaeJane and so many others (plus all named perspective famlies) I couldnt possibly begin to name them all. Any names missed - forgive me. my brain is only so big and capable of just so much, afterall.

Thats all I can think of for now... L8-er
PS - if you give to the Tsunomi fund - send MONEY not food. Here's why;
Those effected areas have people of various beliefs and are forbidden to eat certain foods. Send money to the disaster relief organization of your choice and let them decide what foods and clothings, etc., that will fill the people's needs. HOWEVER - you may want to send a Tent of you can. Not a kiddy size but 4 person size or 8 person size or more. Entire villiages have been washed away with no homes, no protection from deseased mesquitos. Make sure you pack Tent Sealant with these tents - that is, if you send any. PASS THE WORD.

You don't Say

2004-12-31T10:10:00.000-05:00

".. I don't mean to interrupt your conversation but.."
Yeah, right. You know you meant to interrupt, who're ya kidding here? Its better to use the polite classic, "excuse me for just a moment". It shows you really intend to interrupt the conversation or flow of thought in a civilized methodology - rather than lying your keester off. Am I right or am I right? You knooow dats right!

This was an observation made when with two people I know with myself being the guilty party said, "I don't mean to interrupt but..". Who was I kidding? I knew I intended to interrupt, although not in a, Bull In The China Closet, sort of way and they knew I intended to interrupt. At this point, I am wondering if from here on out if any of you will remember this blog entry the next time you use that phrase. Myself included.

Well - its just one of those things. We all say something that isn't quite kosher, but most of us understand many of these phrasings are understood by the masses unless you run into someone unlearned, naive, or a genuine smart aleck like myse.. uhm.., certain people.

Okay, troops. At ease. You may return to your duties now. Move it along...., keep in line.., stop pushing and shoving, and no hitting. Hey - quit pushing me. STOP IT! Leave me alone! Stop pushing and hitting me...

Bad News - Good News

2004-12-29T18:55:00.000-05:00

All you doomsday groovists - bad news. The world will not end, April 13th, 2029. The Asteroid that scientists projected could possibly hit the earth at that date will miss the planet entirely. BUT - hang on -

Would Daveman leave you in a lurch? Noooo way Jose! There's still a chance some other foriegn space projectile could enter its path between now and then correcting the heading for good ol' terra firma! And then there's a better chance that the Earth could meet a premature demise from any number of other events from ThermoNuclear War to Unpredictable Forces of Nature to some strange diabolical desease manufactured in of our governmental Genetic Labs!

But odds are if things keep going as they are going, in my humble opinion - the Lord Jesus Christ will interrupt any of those possibilities, and let me tell you - I'm looking forward to it. Yessir and yesma'ams - He promised this AND if he did not return, all mankind would be destroid (by mans own destructive ways)and he's coming to prevent that. That doesnt get told much these days what with more and more religious folks getting the Political Correctness fever.

Stone Age Walmarts, Kmart and Toysaurus found!

2004-12-28T17:42:00.000-05:00

Rooters snews agency - Cairo
-
A stone age Mall, the first of its kind has been located in Cairo Egypt by California College dropouts majoring in old historic documents translated by Hanna and Barbara on the ancient city of Bedrock and one of the chief citizens, Fred Flintstone.
One of said students said to of found what she believes is the favored shoe store that Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble frequented. The mall sound system was also unearthed consisting of an old phonograh player marked "RCA" with a dog and horn logo etching - believed to be the state of the art MonoJammin (TM) a precursor to the next hip and happnin stone age upgrade; the 8-track stereo.
The student team leader, located the mall's public bathroom facilities and discovered perhaps the very first ever in recorded history, bathroom graffiti! After rigorous minutes of translation from ancient Caveman Talk, six of these scrawlings etched into the bathroom walls read as follows;

* Pops wuz here
* If you can read this you're not only too close but you're an idiot (signed) - K.T.O.A.B.
* May fractal energy particles from a megasaurus postium break wind and fly up your nasal cavity (signed) - R.J. Irkman
* Please do not write on these walls (signed) - Mall Management
* Okay, I wont write on these walls (signed) - Daveman
* Pssst - For a sweet deal on politically correct Wilma dolls meet me here after Santa takes his reindeer break (signed) - Elf Tony

ALBINO BRAIN CHIGGERS DESCEND ON VICTORIA, TEXAS!

2004-12-27T19:50:00.000-05:00

Roosters Newz Agency; Texas - 12-25-2004
-
Citizens of Victoria, Texas scrambled for their lives as albino Brain Chiggers made another sneak attack not seen since 1918. Women and children screamed in sheer panic while the men broke into the stores for shotguns, ammo and Southern Comfort refill packs. "Blasting the skies only seems to make the little devils multiply", said the town Mayor. The city police had their hands full with previously unknown drug addicts gathering in mass trying to inhale the white substance through McDonald drinking straws. "Lord knows what these albino Brain Chiggers will do to a mans cerebellum from breathin' that crap. Its evident we gotta declare a national emergency or sumpin," said the city prosecutor.

Some citizens are eating them, however, If you see these albino Brain Chiggers in your neighborhood, take precautions for goodness sake - and don't eat the yellow stained ones!

Guess Who's Coming for Dinner?

2004-12-24T20:00:00.000-05:00

The Little Guy came over for Christmas eve to spend time with his Gampa. He's a hoot as he tries to say things he's not even sure what they mean - but still, he goes for it. Of course just about 2 months old he's not got that big of a vocabulary, even so you can imagine my surprise when he told me his Daddy was grumpy and asked if I'd burp him. Imagine - me - burping a grown man. Not gunna happen.

The visit went well as the little guy and I discussed the cosmos and theoretical dynamics of space-time verses the continuity of ramjet particle excellerators effect on the fabric of quantum sprites. He's bright but has a way to go before he gets the finer handle on String Theory and how the principle of the 6th dimension discloses extra dimensional measurements not quite realized by Hawking and Schpitting. Non the less, ya just got a love the Little Guy.

The Great Snowball War

2004-12-23T16:49:00.000-05:00

Ah! Snow Fights! ABBYnormal made a post which reminded me of a long almost forgotten historic event. I recall some years ago when I lived in the city and was on a rare Winter Walk-about, I passed some apartments - whereby two grown couples decided to stop warring on each other and began hurling snowballs at me!

I engaged them with all due prejudice though facing astronomical odds. I found much to my chagrin two more joined the fray - against me! There was no clue as to why these pack of wolves wanted to pound me. I knew them not.

Managing to get their attention after a grueling thirty minutes, these total strangers stopped as I ministered to them about peace and showing kindness to strangers who pass in their midst.

Then using Jesus example, I said in a loud voice, my empty hands raised to the heavens, "He that is without sin, cast the first stone".

Silence became so thick you could cut it with a butter knife as these people considered my words carefully, when finally a meek voice responded.., "IN COMING!" and was followed up with a barrage of lethal snow cluster bombs.

I survived that fateful day, only because the apartment dwellers across the way came outside with their own agenda against my foes. My enemies attention was diverted just long enough that I slipped away un-noticed.

A moral can be gleamed here, people. NEVER, and I mean, NEVER, talk to Snowball Terrorists who's brain cells have been frozen solid.

A Very Risky Christmas Vacation

2004-12-23T09:30:00.000-05:00

At great risk to myself I braved the snow great and massive Arkansas Snow Blizzard of December 22, 2004 to get this picture to you, my friends. Well - the risk part was closer to the truth anyway. I wont go into the details of the tortures I put my poor knee through - wading through the snow along the creek - stepping in holes and tripping over rocks, limbs, etc., covered over by the snow. Not fun. BUT - I HAD TO, get you this picture... and if any one of you arent appreciative of this picture- you better lie and make me a believer. Kapeesh!? **waves sinister looking cane in the air**

Does this location look familiar? Look at last picture posted. Its a slightly different angle because I couldnt get down low enough without slipping into the creek. Now, does it look familiar? Good. Cousin Eddie fortunately was eaten by one of our infamous man eating Kodiak Grizzleys. Poor Grizzly died shortly afterward. The Game and Fish vetinarian said it was Alchohol poisoning.

**UPDATE**
Someone just mentioned that there are no Kodiak bears in Arkansas. Well no duh! With no great thanks to Cousin Eddie.

The True Reason For This Season

2004-12-22T11:44:00.000-05:00

This Christmas while you exchange presents, dont forget the Gift left especially for you. A special Gift that was prepackaged from before the beginning of the world, delivered at its proper time and place. And what is that free gift?

* As John the Baptist declared of Jesus, "..., Look, the lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world," [John 1:29 NIV].
* And as Jesus said concerning his own destiny for us.., "For God so loved the world he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have ever lasting life." [John 3:16 NIV]
* A short time after Jesus Christ's resurrection and ascention into heaven, Peter declared, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." [Acts 2:38 NIV]

Jesus gave this gift at great personal cost. Now THAT, is Love without measure. This is the reason Christ was born. "The reason, for the season".

The Meaning Of Christmas

2004-12-21T19:53:00.000-05:00

I gotta point you to ABBYnormal's blog for a wonderful post which in my book recreates the spirit of what Christmas is all about. [CLICK ME]

Indecisiveness, Is That It?

2004-12-21T12:41:00.000-05:00

I made like three long winded entries and trashed them. I wasted time and thought processes that added extra wear and tear on me precious few brian cells and stressed ye ol' synaptic neural pathways. Were they not good entrys? Yes and no. The topics were good, the wording however lacked tact and required more work to retrace and reorganize the thoughts put into it than it was worth.

But I digest. [BURRRRRP!] Admittidly it is very much like swimming 2/3rds across a major fast paced raging river only to give up and turn back. I do that a lot more than usual lately. Uhm - writing, not swiming raging rivers. If only it were a matter of simple procrastination - something I am skilled at. But no. If only it were laziness, of which I could easily overcome. But no. So what is it? Why is it? The deeper in thought I get, the muddier it feels in me cranium, so naturally Im tempted to stop thinking. HEY! WATCH THAT! Someone just thought outloud, "Yeah, like when did you ever start thinking, Dave." I just got one thing to say to that crude remark; "Even if I knew the answer to that, I dont have to tell you nuttin." HAH!

As the great ancient, Greek Latin Hispanic Anglo philosopher, Emillio Chauncey Famillio, once said about mankind.., "Yo mang. Sometimes ju suck, sometimes ju donn. Go figgyuh."
Emmillio sure knows how to say stuff donn he not? Well - Until I come up with something more viable and not delete it, actually posting it - I bid ju a fondu and jelly sammich.

Gampaw's Day Out At Thuh Creek

2004-12-19T13:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday morning I took my first brave steps into the woods on our land, along the creek line since my knee injury. I think I'll wait on doing that again cause the old knee joint was screaming at me for every slight hidden stone or pebble I'd walk on. Small rocks I'd never notice but for my knee being so tender.

Anyway - I took my camera along to take a few pictures. It's just not easy to pick the best or just the right one and yet I try to resist the urge to post more than one pic per post. In this one you see the sun splash through on the large rock and on the left bank. The light on the bank almost illuminates a young sapling with all but the Hallaluah Chorus. Man, I wish I had a proper 35mm Nikon of Canon SLR camera to take these shots - but I suppose this photo will have to do.

I also discovered while out there a shoe. A lone shoe, still tied, laying up away from the creek. Since I didn't see any associated body or smell anything funky I assume at some point during a massive rain, the creek overflowed and washed everything down the mountain from parts unknown onto our land. The tell-tale signs of a major gully washer were evident in one place down from the shoe, what looked almost like it were strip-mined with a water cannon. It was (to me) an unsettling sight. And trash - My Lord the trash. I gotta get over my knee problems soon and get out there and get to work cleaning up the cans, plastic bags and yeah even disposable baby diapers.

The latter types of debris come from off the road where IDIOTS throw crap out of their cars. There's nothing anyone can do about it short of catching them in the act "on film" because cops don't take your word for anything. If people wanna trash their own yards, that's their business - but I seethe when people do that on my turf where I want the woods to be as free of human clutter as possible.

To the left - of the creek on slightly higher ground (not shown), before my knee injury, I had planned to clean out an area and make a camp sight for summer "get out of the house" camping. Ah - I'm blabbering again. I'll just end this post with saying, by the time I decided to turn around my knee was hurting so bad I didn't think I'd make it back. Obviously, I did make it back. Uhm .. Incidentally - The Phone company called and said my area's phone lines are not DSL ready and need upgrading - SO this means, you can stop calling me, Ol' Lightnin'. :o(

THUH END

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO DAVEMAN

2004-12-17T18:56:00.000-05:00

- or - Daveman's World?
The following is the news as it translates into the world of Daveman. No animal biproducts were used in the production of this blog posting. Real humans instead of stunt doubles were used to maintain that level of reality you all crave. Fortunately no one was killed, maimed or tortured in due process - will try harder next time.

JUST IN...,
* Elvis Soul for sale on Ebay - well, not on ebay. Lisa Presley sold her Daddy's estate "almost" lock, stock and barrel, for a piddly 100 million dollars (that's U.S. Dollars and not Monopoly Money). How's the child going to live on that meager amount for a year? I am concerned.
OTHER NEWS...,
* Fried Mars Bars are the rage in Scotland? That's the word. The shops batter dip it, and deep fry it in oil. Im amazed anything is left when they pull it out of the hot oil. Somebody essplain to me juh how dis is possibul to not have da gooey chewey not melt off to molten goo. (whats they recipie i wonder?)
MORE OTHER NEWS
* The Economy is doing good. Unemployment is down, while Layoff's are at a record high and the numbers of hungry and homeless increased. What's wrong with these figures?
* The poisoned Ukrainian President hopeful, Viktor Yushchenko survived this assination attempt - the poison identified as TCDD, and ingredient in the Vietnam used herbicide, Agent Orange. I was looking at, Yushchenko's before and after pictures and even taking into consideration his disfigurement - something is not right about the change. His ears are not only different in size, their location moved. His mouth is not the same. His nose is different and the man's forehead and chin seems to be different. How do you say in Ukrainian; "That's not the same guy"? The forehead shape and his chin should be the same. The type of disfigurement does not effect his skull structure, nor change the position of the ears. Hello.
JUST IN, SOME MORE...,
* Polymeals - Just like Momma used to make. Oh c'mon! I mean really.
* After reading "Dahmer's Quick Meals" and bonus book, "Mexican re-Treats" - a Mexian national put it to use declaring - "Mexican Meals are Delicious!". He hoped to visit Paris but his plans were slightlty interreupted.
* I think that last story pretty much ended this segment. Until next time, I bid you a Fondu.

BUT WAIT! - TheOneAndOnlyDave has vanished. Okay, he left a note, then vanished. I hope its temporary, if not - I just wanted to mention, I'll miss my steenky little fren. **dave wipes a tear**

A Non Post, Post

2004-12-17T13:22:00.000-05:00

Will have to post a little later. Just wanted to write about not writing something at this moment. You have been duly notified of this non commital to excercise said non commital of whatever it is I'm rattling about at this moment.

NOTICE: Go to the Grocery store - DONT BUY GARBAGE YOU WONT EAT YOUSELF.., but DO get some can goods and other types of non-perishibles to donate to the food give away programs which have some level of decent flavor. Cant find a Food Charity source? Check with some churchs or your local Chamber of Commerce to see if they have such a program and donate to them.

What better way to celebrate the birth of Christ than to feed the hungry.

Just Call me, Ol' Lightnin'

2004-12-16T15:33:00.000-05:00

Well - I just may have gotten a good deal with the Phone Company.., provided (a) my line can handle DSL (b) they haven't lied to me -and- (c) assuming a DSL modem isn't any different than installing a regular modem, cause I chose to install it myself. The modem is free if I sign a year contract.

Honestly - I don't know how I will react to pages loading instantly. I do know know I'm gunna be fit to be tied if for whatever reason I cant keep DSL once I get used to it. But I may be getting all worked up for nothing should the line or area not be ready for the thing.

Oh Well - Guess I'll know when I cross them roads. I'll know in about 48 hours, then there will be a 6-day wait for the change over. Whatever. MUSIC! HEY! I CAN DOWNLOAD MUSIC and other humungus files and more! OH BOY! OH BOY! Not that I'M getting excited about it or anything.

Something Special for Christmas

2004-12-16T11:21:00.000-05:00

I just saw a really great DVD.., "The Fourth Wiseman". A fictional account of a fourth wise man who spends his entire lifetime searching for the Messiah. He missed the birth of Christ but undaunted he continues on in search of the King of Kings..

Its a drama with a touch of non-offensive nor trace of irreverent humor. Rent it if available or just buy it outright. I am not a supporter of Martin Sheen but he gives a spectacular performance as the Fourth Wiseman, and Alan Arkin provides an excellent backdrop sidekick as the Fourth Man's slave.

I have to admit the movie ends on a bitter sweet moment that darn near had me blubbering. Okay, okay I confess - some water works managed to find its way down the cheek. Ahem. Anyway - its something the whole family will enjoy. One of Martin Sheen's sons does an uncredited cameo as well as Alan Arkin's son, Adam. Guess which of Sheen's sons shows up.

PS - In responce to Greg's concern - My Grandson is doing GREAT! He's gaining weight and has been eating like the proverbial hog. He's sleeping better and much calmer. I apreciate all your prayers people. May God bless you all.

Deeds In The Days of Youth

2004-12-15T08:35:00.000-05:00

In no particular Order, these are some of the things I used to do as a kid in the process of growing up. This by no means represents all I ever did but they do represent some of those that I considered {insert winston churchill voice here] "my finest hour".

* Roasting bologna, wieners or marshmallows on an open fire
* Catchin' crawdads with a string, a wire-bread-wrapper and piece of bread
* Climbing up tall young trees and ridin' em down
* Wrestling with a big stray mix mutt and having fun
* Making large kites with newspaper and thin branches
* Skipping stones even when I couldnt
* Flying a june-bug on a kite string
* Rolled up newspaper attached to a string of rubber bands... can you say, "long distance vengence with am automatic retrival system"?
* and too many other things to mention (assuming i could - heh-heh-heh) and much I just cant recall at this moment.

Here's something I wish I knew about when I was a kid..,
* Tossing broiling water into the bitter cold fridgid wind, and watch results in facination

Rattling The Cages With The Sages

2004-12-14T18:08:00.000-05:00

The thing is what it is and it is what be. Seriously. Ever notice that? Because if it wasn't, why would it be in the first place? Amazing enlightenment is it not. But I digest. I've been in an analytical mode for the last few days (as if no one noticed). You haven't noticed? Well, trust me here. Okay sure yeah, that's what Col. Custer was told by his faithful scout, "The coast is clear" - too bad George didn't think, "Hey! We aren't on the coast, buddy!" Smelled of a trap to me.

Ever see that movie (cant recall the name) that theorized, "What if Custer was the sole survivor at Little Big Horn" or whatever. The movie depicted a trial and possible conviction of the man. People actually gave serious debate to this "what if" hypothetical. Excuse me? What if General Patton would have engaged in battle against the Indians, complete with tanks and machine guns and... It's pure idiocy and a waste of breath to even contemplate. But while we're on the subject - Custer would have gotten a medal, a kiss on his right or left buttock cheek and sent out to kill more Indians. Dang white-eyes.

What would it have been like if we were all born on Mars instead of the Earth - and it was the Earth that was the mystery planet? Does it really matter? Would the mere discussion really accomplish anything or change life as we know it? Hold that discussion with a rock for all the good it will do.

Or what if that one particular pimple I had at the age of 15 didn't show up until I was 17? Wow! I coulda been president! In a pig's mustache I would. What about the Japanese had they won the war or had Hitler succeeded in his monstrous thirst for global domination? It really is a moot point because as we all know, Pinky and the Brain, are the most likely to succeed at World Domination.

A New Wrinkle!

2004-12-13T10:10:00.000-05:00

As Woodrow Wilson once said..., or maybe it wasn't him but somebody else.., well .., not him even. Maybe some other fella said..., eh.., actually I have my doubts about the validity of any of it so never mind.

Time respects no one. Back in the day when I was buff and hard bodied., i had the a-typical SuperHero Barrel Chest. Then one day when I was with my SuperHero Buddies, one of the guys says, "Hey Daveman, see that brick wall?" to which I says, "Yes". Then he says.., "I bet you cant fly through it." That was a sad day. It also explains why my Barrel Chest now sits lower and hangs over my belt. So no, sorry - that's not a Dunlap Belly.
Now the guys called me a freak and wont hang out wit me anymore. Those superficial egotistical doody heads. Time has come and gone. Strange.

Anyway - I look around me and see the changes in people I knew way back when. WOW! These people are actually OLD! Time really doesn't respect people! Except perhaps for a few who seem ageless and you just know they are alien beings from planet Cruton. Time has been cruelest I suppose to some of the SNL early years originals like; Chevy Chase, Jane Curtain and poor poor Bill Murray!

** Dave eyes you over and winces **
Uhm - I uhm.., you..., Hey. Don't sweat it. At a certain age we all hit our second childhood and who cares? No one. To some this sounds like a problem but to me it sounds like the sweet smell of opportunity. So many old folks homes and too little time to wreak havoc.

Enter The Daveman Zone

2004-12-12T11:00:00.000-05:00

Have you ever never been to Spain? England or Main? On trolly, a car or a whooping crane?
Have you ever skipped across the waters blue? In bare feet or in your shoes?
Have you carried your heart on your sleeve? In a purse or on your knee?
Have you listened to the wind call your name? In a whisper or was it sang?
Have you ever seen a Willow weep? Softly, gently without so much as a peep?

Relax! You've just entered a world where up is down, down is sideways and your spandex is rigid. You have just entered [insert dramatic musical intro here] - - - THE DAVEMAN ZONE!

Picture if you will an office who's walls are lined with filled bookshelves and doctorate degrees hanging on the walls. A large desk sits in the middle of the room, right in front of you. Your setting there in a wooden swivel chair wearing a straight jacket, pondering why you are here in this place, how, what and why in fact. Suddenly a shrink enters and takes his place at the desk....
SHRINK:
"So how are you feeling today?"
YOU:
"I.., I.., I'm fine I guess. What am I doing here? Who are you?"
SHRINK:
"I'm Doctor Doug and I'll be handling your case to determine if you should stay here at SquirrelNut Haven or be set loose on society. Just relax as I ask you a few questions. I am here as a friend and to help. Okay? Lets begin. Are you hearing any voices?"
YOU: (nervous)
"V,v,voices? N,n,n..No. No voices. Well...., okay this is a trick question aint it... I do hear your voice!"
SHRINK:
"Actually I mean imaginary voices. Voices that don't have any real persons connected to them. Do you hear any such voices?"
YOU: (suspicious, raising a nervous eyebrow)
"Ah! I see. But how do I know you're not an imaginary voice, an imaginary person? How do I know you're real? If you are real and I say I don't hear imaginary voices, you could actually be an imaginary person faking it so I would have to stay here on the cracker-farm!"
SHRINK:
"Look at me and listen carefully. I am real. You are real. Do you hear voices? Yes or no?"
YOU: (cautious)
"Uhm...Okay, I will assume for the moment you are real and I am real. No I don't hear any voices but yours."
SHRINK:
"Do you have any imaginary friends?"
YOU:
"Imaginary friends?"
SHRINK:
"Imaginary friends. People who are your friends that other people can not see."
YOU: (nervous and flaking)
"Doctor Doug, you said you were my friend, but I don't know if other people see you or not. I don't even know if other people can hear you! Are you my imaginary friend?"
SHRINK:
"I assure you, that I am real, my voice is real and you are real. In fact this office and your straight jacket is real which will not go away until you start answering my questions with some sense of reason."
YOU: (almost euphoric with inspiration)
"But - if you are real because you say you are real, how do I know that you, my imaginary friend, is not tricking me? In fact how do you know you are real or that I am real? YOU, Doctor Doug, if that's your real name.., are setting there interviewing your own imaginary person, ME! But meanwhile neither one of us is real because we are some projection in someone else's REM dream state or perhaps a nightmare absolute! So Doctor Doug - neither of us are real, not even this office, not your books, not your degrees.., nothing."

DAVEMAN: (enters the room from a mysterious haze, with you and Dr. Doug, aghast)
You are right. Both of you are not real because I dreamed you up and wrote about you. Although I promise this isn't REM Sleep. I'm quite awake in a daydream written composition about two fictional people in a very fictional world. Blows your mind huh? But that's not all. Actually the story is more advanced than that! I am writing at this moment that you are reading about you on a non existent blog. In fact I'm not even writing this. Someone else is. But if that's a lie it cant be true because reality isn't subjective. Okay it wasn't until now when I just broke the concept of reality - OH CRAP! WHAT HAVE I DONE!? Some one PLEASE - Hurry! Get me some duct tape and superglue before the whole megaplex of the space-time continuum implodes!

Grandson Doing Great!

2004-12-11T09:56:00.000-05:00

I'm happy to say the little guy is doing good. Yesterday, they took him into surgery before the projected 6:pm scheduling - by about 2 hours early. The surgeon explain by all appearances everything went well - but its not uncommon for little mistakes to occur during this kind of surgery.., so while he believes no such mistakes occurred, "sometimes" this procedure doesn't take the first time and could require a second trip. While they explained this surgery is pretty much routine, there are real risks. Of course I knew that already but I guess their insurance may demand they make the statement.

My Grandson has been upchucking all too frequently for about three to four weeks, and has been getting progressively worse. Daughter has been taking the kid to the doctor once, sometimes up to 3 times a week declaring it wasn't normal for him to upchuck so much - BUT - Some doctors carry this attitude of, "I'm the skilled doctor and you don't tell me what's normal - I will tell you". The doctor kept saying it was a problem with breastmilk, so they changed it. Then it was a problem with the Formula so they changed brands.. THREE or more times.

When the Little Guy finally started upchucking bile and turning dark around his eyes and green at the gills - the fool doctor decides to send the baby to Children's hospital. Sadly up until now, certain people were accusing my daughter of using the baby to get attention - which I gotta tell you really chapped my hide. I suppose because she had an Aunt who did use such tactics my daughter suffered by a forced contrast? If that makes sense. So about now - with proof in hand, I'd like to confront these people and demand an apology. (as if these kind of people would ever do the right thing)

No matter - three hours later I got to go to his room and see him. He lay comfortably in his Mommy's arms, awake, contently, quietly, working over his favorite binky. I gotta say I wish I'd of had my camera at this point. The surgery was a microsurgery which meant only two or three small incisions with no long gashes to be stitched. In fact I'm told if no problems arise, the Little Guy may possibly go home this afternoon.

God is great isn't he? He gives my daughter this wonderful gift, and while the many thought she was this idiot not worthy of a baby - proved God right in giving her this wonderful little bundle of joy. It was her insistence that forced the situation to light. I applaud my daughter's insistance and I thank God he does take care of business. His way, not ours. Remember that. ;o)

I appreciate your prayers and well wishes ALL OF YOU! And I'm giving LADY FRY (fridays child) a special shout because this woman has endured some really harsh illness and still offers concern for others. You're in my prayers woman. *HUGGLES*

Grandson Faces Surgery

2004-12-10T15:24:00.000-05:00

My Grandson has Pyloric Stenosis and must have surgery this afternoon if I understood correctly. As with any kind of operation there is risk - so your prayers and prayers are really needed. I'm confidant the little guy will come through this like a trooper, even so I like to have bases covered.

Thank you guys so much.

Grandson not doing good

2004-12-09T16:37:00.000-05:00

Just got a call a few minutes ago that the Doctor is sending my Grandson to the Children's Hospital. The little guy is not keeping anything down at all, and gradually was upchucking more and more over the past 2 or 3 days. Today being nothing at all staying down.

The doctor suspects some kind of blockage at work, hence may have to be kept at the hospital if true. I'm worried sick right along with daughter and son-in-law.., he's so tiny and precious.

The Children's Hospital in Little Rock is one of the very best in these United States, so that's a plus. Even so, I appreciate your prayers very much.

America's Oldest Teenager has a Stroke

2004-12-08T18:16:00.000-05:00

News From The Daveman hemisphere

The MC of the historic 1950 bc's favorite television show, American Bandstand, has suffered a light stroke at the age of 186 while skydiving out the back of 57 Chevy Pickup. Expected to make a full recovery Dick Clark said this; "My lawyers tell me I can make another million cause the makers of the Chevy tailgate mechanism should of made it safer. Besides I cant forgive them Japanese when they invaded the Mongols in uhm.., whenever it was when France surrendered to the.., the..., RCA rec.., or was that Spectra Records?..."

Doctors said the stroke was light and that Dick Clark's mind is still as sharp as it ever was. Give or take a few stem cell replacements.

Gampa's Day Out

2004-12-07T19:06:00.000-05:00

But First..,
TODAY's WORDS OF DAVEMANIC WISDOM;
Remember, that just because you haven't been there, doesn't mean you will.

Today I visited with daughter and spent time with Grandson and The little fella gave Gampa his Christmas present early! Yep, he puked, nay.., he saturated my shirt and belt loop watch, really good. Fortunately Son-in-Law had a spare shirt about my size.., but my poor watch smells reeeal gamey even after cleaning it - LOL. I just had to make due with the partial splattering on me pants.

It was worth being hurled on, I guess. The little guy couldn't help it. OR COULD HE!? I shoulda snapped a picture of some of the looks he was throwing around. Like he was busy thinking up new fun things for Gampa to experience. But I didn't think to take that particular snap-shot. I swear - the kid is a cute kid but I only took one pic and the angle, the kids expression was not a good one - the resultant pic reminds me of a bald, Bart Simpson! LOL. No, not gunna post it cause Daughter would kill me if that picture made the Internet Circuit. People love to cycle the funny pics ya know. :o)

Anyway - I enjoyed spending time with the Grandson, and Daughter. That was fun even if I did end up wreaking of baby puke. May your day be as grand! SALUTE!

We Bland of Brudders

2004-12-06T09:01:00.000-05:00

I am one of three brothers, and when we were young we fought each other like cats and dogs. Funny thing was despite our declared hate and utter dispisal of each other, when someone else stepped into this complex framework of rivalry and hurt a fellow sibling, said someone was in deep problematic poopoo. No one hit, hurt or insulted us except for us, or close friends who knew there were limits. No, we are not related to those boys on the Ponderosa.

But I digress - perhaps I misled you into thinking we boys were animals and consistently at each others throats. Eeeeh..., well, not exactly. Sometimes yes, many times, no. We were divisive in our assaults. We used "tact" and cunning. Think a childhood version of the defunct Soap melodramas, "DALLAS". We were like the Ewing brothers of a different order.

Notes slipped under bedroom doors with insults, some times treasure maps whereby the victim would follow this map all over the house only to end up outside in the dog pen, reading a note taped to the inside ceiling which read, "sucker". Other times it was a matter of how gullible Mom or Dad was, as they were sometimes pawns in our wicked games. Hitting one's self in the chest (tarzan fashion) and yelling, "OUCH! STOP IT! HELP! MOM! He's hitting me again... OWE!". The true victim stood there, knowing what was going to happen but at the same time while realizing he could momentarily do nothing avowed vengeance after the spanking was over.

Retribution was something to be feared because you never knew when, you never knew how this would take place. One day you would open your closet and something would drop on you. Or you maybe walking along outside, blocks away from the house, looking over your shoulder to be faced with Brotherzilla (older brother). "Now cry for mommie, sissy boy.." but of course he would of had to catch me.

Often Mom would force us to hug each other as punishment. Well, we called it punishment, she just thought she was being a Henry Kessinger or something with a peace plan. We boys would much rather take spankings or pummel each other in a den of hungry lions than to hug each other. Honestly this wasn't every day - but when we did have a go at each other it was with style. I recall being made to hug my older brother and he hug me. It was hours later when the neighborhood boys ran up laughing kicking me in the bums. That Rat #&!*% brother of mine slapped painters paper tape on my back (during the hug) with "Kick me! I'm Stupid" written on it.

When my older brother got married and moved out, I realized then I didn't really hate my brother. All our activities were based on, "that's what we did and we did it well" and we were just trying to gain respect from each other. Sounds weird doesn't it? We struggled to come up with the Smarter, more ingenious plan of attack without drawing blood I might add. Okay there were accidents but lets leave that for my Therapist. ;o)

The point is, we never really hated each other. My younger brother? Oh puleeze lets not even...

Back Door Draft?

2004-12-05T20:23:00.000-05:00

Misspellings and All .., read it and weep. Up front once again - Kerry would do this country no better. Bush is simply the lesser of the two evils. Having said that...,

I just got through watching 60 Minutes, report on Uncle Sam's back-door answer to the draft. Veterans who did their time and received honorable discharges are being reactivated and called to duty. That's dirtier than starting up the draft because these guys did their time! If it were optional, show up or not, then I wouldn't say squat.

Some of those reporting in unquestioningly refer to those who don't as cowards? BULL. Its a matter of doing ones duty to his country - they did it. Now Uncle Sam is using loop holes to fill the needed numbers of troops. Some of these people are Disabled but it doesn't matter - they have to report.

According to a former JAG lawyer - once you report in, you lose all your rights. He himself received call up orders after he did several tours (unless I mixed this up with another's story), has the medals, the uniform, the honorable discharge papers and he knew about the deceptive coding on the enlistment form requiring officer soldiers to "resign" their commission on top of everything else in order to be compliant. He did that. BUT - since Uncle Sam does not have those documents on file, he is told he must show up. A step further - they informed him that according to their records, he never completed ANY of his time with the military.

Its like this: If I you are under contract to me to build me a house, in say.., six months, and you do this without fail - your paid and that's the end of story. Uncle Sam's version is like.., Okay so you built this house in the allotted time - NOW - I want a 3-bay garage and a boat house as per those odd little loan numbers on the contract. No, there is no instructions showing you have to read Manual XP-D01 reference A-P32 to be made aware you have to sign another paper to finish the contract and you can be required to do extra work at the same cost.

Well - if I lost you, sorry. The point is, A soldier who did his time, be that in war or peace time, completed his duty and received honorable discharge or medical discharge is NOT a coward. Like I said, if Uncle Sam had of given them the option to Serve their country in this recall, their government would be ever so grateful. THAT would be more honorable. OR just start up the draft instead of making our vets into "non quit" slaves. Street gangs don't give options to quit and Mob's only give you an option of early retirement - so as I see it, Uncle Sam has just shown me, he's no different.

You're shrewd one Mister Bush. Merry Christmas to too.

Fearless Leader Le Goof-off

2004-12-04T23:20:00.000-05:00

This is just one of the examples of why I'm not a big fan of George W.Bush - BUT - I shutter to think what would happen to this Nation under John Kerry would would leave America ripe for the picking from any Terrorist bent on attacking us.

Anyway - our food supplies are at currently at risk. No jokes, no Michael Moore False Alert theories. Now more than ever our food is at risk because if the Terrorists didnt know the avenue to take - they do now, with no great thanks to Health and Human Services Secretary, Tommy Thomson's big mouth. When the food stuffs start being poisoned, you know who to address your hate mail to; Thats "TOMMY THOMSON" spelled with a capital "Idiot". I do not encourage anyone to threaten him - but I do encourage GUILT mail. He just the same as armed the enemies of the United States.

Sure, G.W. should have had food import security covered by now, and only God knows why he hasnt. The sad fact is, appearently until Thomson decided to get back at Bush, the Terrorists obviously were oblivious to this weak spot. Thomson, for one moment of "get back" just put the nation at risk. He's a Kerry supporter who's so sore he could care less what happens to Americans just as long as he gets in his last stab at G.W. Bush. He says he cant sleep at night worrying about the lack of security on food imports. I dont buy that. I think he sleeps like a baby. But who am I to call the man a liar. DAVEMAN! That's who!

One last thing: As Secretary of Health and Human Services, while Im not privy to his full range of powers, isnt it HIS job to provide some level of security measures in these areas? Certainly its something I wonder about. If he was doing his job instead of blaiming others, I know he could sleep at night.

Legalese: This is an expression of opinion under any and all remaining few freedoms provided under said rights to opinions and freedom or expression wherein and whereof and whatfore and what-eh-vuh else I wanna sed about who I wanna sed it. It maybe fact, it maybe fantasy, it maybe nuttin et-au. Got it? "You Know Dats Right! "