Documentary - (of sorts) Lactosia

SCENE 1 - [Location Hawg Town, Arkansas - Daveman stands before an angry mob of people]

DAVEMAN:
"Lactose intolerance!? STOP THE MADNESS! People, cant we all just get along? The Lactose deserve better, really. This isn't the 1880's after all. Sure the denizens from the isle of Lactosia are a little strange, but when has buttering your toast on the bottom side been an evil thing or a crime, even? And surely the crime of eating Milk Sandwiches can be forgiven or at least overlooked."

SCENE 2 - [Location: Lactosia Island - camera tight on Daveman's face - standing behind a stand of ferns and various flora]

DAVEMAN
(whispering softly in faux Australian accent)
"Crockies! We're ere to watch the mysterious Loctose, churn buttah the ancient tribal way. But we av to be bloody quiet. If these mates catch us - they will bite our eds off. Trust me, that can kill ya, mate."

SCENE 3 - [Camera peers through the flora, focusing in on village of crude tweed and hemp huts - two men are pushing a cow back and forth]
DAVEMAN - Voice over
"Crockpot! Looky ere! We ar the furst peepul ta see this ancient technology of buttah churnin' by the Lactose. Amazin', aint it mates? See - that one fella pushes the drunk cow toward his mate and he in turn pushes the cow back. This process chuhns up the milk inside the cow an buttah is produced inside the cow.
"As you see they stopped pushing the bloody cow. Now the one fella is walking toward the tail en while his mate strokes the cows nose."

[Man at rear of cow places bucket below cow and starts pumping the animal's tail - butter comes out in clumps]

SCENE 2 - [Close up on Daveman's surprised face]
"Crockos! Dee you see that!? No one as seen this ancient secret method of Lactose buttah makin' an lived! Isn't that wunnaful? An that cow was beautiful. I think we should steal et an take it ome cause we just don't have cows like at at ome. UH OH! I think they made us out, mate! RUNNN - Hurry..."

SCENE 3 - [ Camera is obviously shaking as everyone runs - view is on villagers running towards us ]
DAVEMAN - Voice Over
"Hoostun, I think we av a problem! Now where in the bloody el did we park that boat..."

STATIC - Fills the screen after a brief period of screams

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